Knight Errant
by lborgia88
Summary: A sequel to “Guinevere” and “Uneasy”: Joe has returned to the Science Ninja Team, but so much has changed. Can he also return to Jun?
1. Chapter 1

I want to thank Transmute Jun, my beta reader, for her insight, encouragement and editing skills!

**Knight-Errant**

He should never have come back. He didn't belong here. This was never going to work. He could have stayed in the shadows, lurking. That was where he belonged now. He should have stayed away from them…

Except that he _couldn't_ have stayed away.

He'd been lying flat on his back on a cot, in the quarters that Dr. Nambu had brought him to after allowing him to leave this G-Town's medical ward, but now he stood abruptly and began pacing, insofar as that was possible in the limited space available.

He'd been in a state of panic in the medical ward, yet had somehow managed to hide it from Dr. Nambu, who had taken an analgesic spray to the slight burns he'd sustained while driving the Condor Attacker deep under the Dera Desert, had checked his blood pressure, had shone a bright light into both his eyes, and had drawn a blood sample. When it had become apparent that was all that Dr. Nambu had intended to do, he'd nearly sighed in relief.

"I'd love to do more tests, Joe," he'd said, "But it's very late, and it's quite obvious that Dr. Rafael has corrected your neurological damage or there's no way you'd have been able to do what you did today, especially without any serious injuries."

Joe silently vowed to "forget" to show up for any medical examination he tried to schedule.

Dr. Nambu had put his hand on Joe's shoulder, and when he'd spoken again his voice had actually quavered.

"I hope to meet that man someday. Joe, I honestly believed that no one at the ISO could have saved you… at Karakoram. If Dr. Rafael's methods were to become more widely known, it would greatly benefit humanity."

Then, Joe had looked away and had managed to mutter something vaguely non-committal. Now, he paused and stared out the small window of his quarters, at the dark water of the undersea night. Humanity? He exhaled sharply, bitterly. No, "humanity" was not served by Dr. Rafael's methods.

He loathed it, but he forced himself to speak the word, albeit in a whisper.

"_Cyborg_…"

The ISO didn't make cyborgs. Only Galactor made cyborgs, and Dr. Rafael had once belonged to Galactor. On some visceral level, every normal, decent person was horrified at the thought of those creatures that were neither fully human nor proper machines. They just _knew_ that it was _wrong_. People that were meant to be dead should be dead, not shuffling around courtesy of metal, wires and power units, like that… Frankenstein thing in that old, old movie.

Granted, Joe wasn't shuffling any more these days; no, he moved quite well –too well, even. Long months of rehab at Dr. Rafael's lab had seen to that. Somehow today, he'd fooled them all, but that could never last.

He should have stayed away.

Except that he couldn't have stayed away.

If he hadn't pulled a semi-conscious Ken from the burning wreck of his jet at Easton Island, Ken would have died. If he hadn't located them, all unconscious in San Frangeles Bay after the destruction of the Galactor base below, they could have all drowned. If he hadn't shot those Galactor goons from a helicopter in that New Jork street, the whole team could have been badly wounded or killed. If he'd stood by today, hidden in the Dera Desert, and had let Ken force his way past Dr. Nambu into the Condor Attacker, Ken would never have survived the underground trek necessary to stop the earthquakes.

No, Ken had to live. Himself… he was expendable. That's what cyborgs truly were –disposable "people." The team was encountering just too many dangerous situations these days. If he, by rejoining them, could take the danger onto himself and keep them all alive, then he had a purpose, a justification for his wretched existence.

But seeing Jun…

No weapon or torture ever used by Galactor could match the pain he'd felt today, in the Dera Desert, when Jun rushed into his arms.

Silky hair, flawless skin, a slim and beautiful body, a voice that was the music of her heart, and eyes so clear and deep you could see all the way to her soul…

Seeing her up close again today, she was just as he remembered. His memories of her were all true. But the Joe that she remembered –that man was gone. Seeing her look at him, tears in her eyes, feeling her touch him –feeling the full enormity of what he had lost had flooded him with a pain that no whip, knife or bullet could ever match. Now, hours later, it was a dull but steady ache. Why couldn't Dr. Rafael have taken away these… residual emotions, the way he'd taken away so much else? Didn't he know how cruel it was to leave human feelings in a vessel that was no longer human?

And what if she found out? _What if she found out?_ He knew without a doubt that the look on her face then would destroy him.

He could still remember standing in the street outside that hotel in Africa, staring down in horror at the wreckage that had been Lucy, trying not to puke, trying to keep his face expressionless as someone in a car just drove over her remains without noticing or caring.

"Oh, I feel sorry for her, the poor thing."

Jun's words…

"_Poor thing_…"

Stop thinking about Jun!_ Stop thinking about what you can never have again!_ He berated himself despairingly. He threw himself back onto the cot, willing his mind to empty, to find the oblivion of sleep.

But he had seen Jun today, seen her face. There was no way he could keep her from his thoughts now, and it was futile to try.

Lying on the cot, with his unfocused gaze on the door, he found his memory turning to his old quarters at the Crescent Base, and to Jun –not the first night that she'd come to him there, but the second night…

He'd been lying on his back in near darkness, awake, just as he was now. He'd been not quite able to believe that the previous night hadn't been a dream, except that the scent of her hair had still lingered on his pillow. That entire day of training, in the Crescent Base's gym and weapons range, he'd felt so awkward around her and he'd been unable to speak of the night before, especially with Ryu and Jinpei in the vicinity. She'd been quiet too, and had only looked at him when it was necessary. By that night he'd convinced himself, while staring at the ceiling over his bed, she had clearly known she'd made a big mistake and that pretending it had never happened was, after all, the best way to deal with it. It shouldn't have happened. She'd never really wanted him; it was Ken she loved. He'd just been a… coping mechanism, while she tried to work her way through her grief and loss.

But then his door had slowly opened. It had been Jun. She'd walked into his quarters soundlessly, quietly closing the door behind her, and had come over to his bed. For a second, he'd considered pretending to be asleep to spare himself from having to hear her tell him that it had all been a mistake, but that would have been gutless and some part of him had known they'd have to speak of it, sooner or later, if they were to get past it. So, he'd sat up and had looked straight into her eyes, and had steeled himself for some combination of regret, discomfort, and, God help him, pity.

But what he'd seen, in the dim glow of a nightlight, had been trepidation, and some despair, but also… _desire_; his breath had caught in his throat and he'd been afraid to speak or move, as one who draws the startled gaze of a doe in the woods knows that one word or gesture will make her flee. She hadn't spoken a word; she'd only stared at him, not once taking her eyes from his. Yet, somehow he must have conveyed an answer to a silent question; she'd slowly begun to undress. Shirt, pants, bra, panties –one by one they'd formed a pile on the floor until her full beauty had been bared, and then she'd come to him, in the bed…

_He had to stop thinking about this!_

Joe, once again, propelled himself off the cot to pace the room liked a wild animal in a cage. Two years, he told himself; he had been gone over two years. In all likelihood, Jun had long since gotten over him, finally realized her long-held dream during the interwar peace and was now with Ken, utterly happy.

That was, after all, what he'd tried to tell her to do with his last words, as he'd lain dying in the grass at Karakoram. Everyone knew that Jun and Ken were always meant to be together; he'd just been a temporary… aberration from the rightful path.

And now he was well and truly _aberrant_. His time together with Jun belonged only in the past. All he had were memories now, memories that were both bliss and agony.

_No more!_ He leaned against the wall, crossed his arms, and closed his eyes. He would stop wallowing in emotions and memories to which he no longer had a claim. He would devote himself to exactly two purposes: protecting the team, and bringing about the final destruction of Leader X. He would focus unwaveringly upon these duties, and he would forget all about love and-

There was a knock on his door.

"Joe, are you in there?"

It was Jun.

If he didn't say anything maybe she'd just go away, but…

He should answer; he was going to have to train himself to be around her and remain indifferent, revealing nothing, and now was as good a time as any to-

_Who was he kidding?_ He was going to let her in because he was completely unable to _not_ let her in. This was _never_ going to work, being back, unless he could somehow…

"You can come in."

She entered quickly, shutting the door behind her. She was in civvies now, with her hair loose around her shoulders. But her face was white, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy -_what_ had happened? Why-

"Alone at last, Joe. Let's get this over with."

He'd been moving towards her without even realizing he was doing it, but now he froze.

"Jun, what-"

She slapped his face, hard.

"_How could you?"_

Oh no…

"Why didn't you tell me how sick you were?" Her voice was jagged.

"You knew it was bad –why did you lie to me? How could you just… run away and leave me, knowing you were… that you were…"

"Jun." That was all he seemed capable of saying. Fresh tears were running from her angry, angry eyes.

"Finding you at Karakoram, when you were… and then afterwards you were gone –_do you have any idea what that did to me, what you did to me?_

All he wanted to do was pull her into his arms, and tell her he was sorry, and never stop…

But he couldn't. _How was he going to do this_? He should have stayed away…

"You left me, Joe. You left me all alone!"

He drew on every fiber of will that he possessed, to keep his face a mask, indifferent, revealing nothing. What could he say?

"You told me that when you took your final revenge on Galactor, you wanted me with you!"

He'd said that, that night in the Crescent Base gym when she'd told him she loved him, when he'd been holding her in his arms, and it had been true, but…

"You would have told Ken." He'd managed to speak, finally, and to keep his voice cold.

"What?" Her eyes swirled with confusion, denial.

"If I'd confided in you that I was getting mind-splitting headaches, blind spells, and numbness in my hands and that sometimes I could barely stay on my feet, can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't have gone running straight to Ken or Dr. Nambu? _Can you honestly say that_?"

He stared straight into her eyes, and she looked away first, staring at his feet.

"But… there might have been a treatment, a cure –maybe you could have been saved!"

"Oh, they would have tried. They would have pulled me off the team and shut me up as an invalid -or even a _vegetable_- in a hospital for days, weeks… But it wouldn't have done any good, Jun! And I'd have lost my chance to avenge my mother and father!"

She turned her head to the side, clenching her hands.

All he could think was how much he'd loved her, when he'd jumped out that window and had driven off to the airport to buy a one-way plane ticket to the Himalayas, about how he'd known that if he had any chance to spare her, to save her, by sacrificing himself -he who was dying anyway- he'd take it.

And he hadn't left her alone; he'd left her with Ken.

She raised her head again, to glare at him.

"So what it comes to is this: getting your precious revenge on Galactor meant more to you than me!"

Yes, that was part of who he was, but no _-No!_ That _wasn't_ the choice he'd had to make! It hadn't been "revenge" or "Jun"; it had been "die fighting, alone" or "die slowly and pathetically, with Jun having to watch it happen."

But if he was going to be able to stay here and protect the team and destroy Leader X, maybe that was what he was going to have to let her believe, so she'd stay away from him, so she wouldn't find out…

"I'm a soldier, Jun. The mission is more important than _anything or anyone_!"

She was shaking her head.

"You can't truly mean that. What are we fighting for if in the end we just become…_ machines_?"

For an instant, his mask slipped; he gasped. _Quick, don't let her see!_

"Guess you've just shown why the best soldiers are never women."

"Bastard!" She slapped him again. This was how it had to be…

"And I guess you've just shown why you never let me know you were alive, Joe! All these months… there's no way you couldn't have let me know, somehow? But now it's clear –you didn't give a shit!"

She didn't give him a chance to reply.

"You and Ken –in the end you're both heartless bastards!" Her voice caught on a sob.

"Guess I've learned my lesson tonight!"

And she was out the door and gone.

Joe turned and fell back against the freshly-slammed door, slowly sliding down till he was sitting on the floor with his face in his hands and his elbows on his knees.

_If only she knew…_

But he could never let her find out. That was the misery he was going to have to bear, every day, if he stayed here. And he couldn't leave now –he had to protect the team, and ensure the final destruction of Leader X.

_He could never let her find out._

He was still having the nightmare, the one that hurled him out of sleep, gasping, screaming. It was always the same. His eyes were open, and glaringly bright light was shining down on him, but he couldn't focus his eyes properly and everything was blurred. He was lying on a flat surface, head propped up slightly, but he couldn't move a muscle –he couldn't even blink. Strange figures covered completely in white, with only their eyes visible, were poking and prodding his body, and talking to each other but their words seemed muffled and distorted. Hoses and tubes seemed to be coming out of him in all directions.

_He couldn't move! He couldn't speak! He couldn't feel anything!_

Something was in his mouth and throat. His body was faintly visible, at the edge of his vision, but his body was… _red_, and even _shiny._

_What the hell are they doing to me? Are they Galactor?_

Just for a second then, he could move his eyes, and his vision cleared slightly, and he looked down at himself…

_He had no skin. He was just raw meat and bone, with a pulsating blob in his chest, and further down, glistening guts, and everywhere, metal –shiny metal wires and objects…_

He was screaming and screaming, but only in his mind. He had no voice. Something was beeping, sharply, rapidly…

"Quick! He's coming out of the anesthesia…"

The white figures moved rapidly, and everything faded to grey, but always he was still screaming and screaming…

Still sitting on the floor of his new quarters, Joe snapped his head upright so abruptly the back of his skull whacked painfully against the door. He'd sustain no damage, of course, but it served to disperse the terror in his mind, the pounding in his chest.

_Stop thinking about it!_

He took some slow deep breaths and stared down at himself. He was dressed in blue medical scrubs, which he'd taken from the medical ward, and he _looked_ normal now. He would have to be vigilant and careful around the others, all the time, but at least they couldn't tell at a glance that he was far, far from normal.

Jun had called him "heartless." Actually, his heart was an organ that he was fairly certain he still had. At that thought, a mirthless chuckle escaped him, but then he frowned.

"You and Ken, you're both heartless bastards!"

What had Jun meant by that? What had happened between her and Ken? Joe thought about Easton Island, San Frangeles, New Jork, the Dera Desert… The more he thought about it, the more he realized that Ken had been reckless, even careless of late. That was _not_ like him. No, something was definitely going on with him, and Jun was clearly involved.

He was eager for any excuse now to get out of this room, where memories assailed him. Now he had one; he would go and find Ken.

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He knocked once on the door.

Silence. He waited half a minute.

"Ken, it's me."

The door opened instantly, and there was Ken… looking like crap, but not looking like someone who'd just been woken up, and he was still dressed in his civvies.

He looked Joe up and down once and then spoke dully.

"So that's where you've been all this time… Medical School."

"Ha ha. So are you going to let me in or what?"

Ken was looking around, as though surprised that Joe was alone.

"How did you find out where my quarters are?"

"From the maintenance engineers. Here!" He shoved a bottle of Scotch into Ken's hands.

"Where did you get this?"

"From the maintenance engineers. They always have booze –didn't you know that?"

"No." Ken said nothing else, but the way he turned back into his quarters, still holding the bottle, seemed to indicate that Joe should follow him.

"I swear the quarters in this place aren't any bigger than my trailer was. Come on, Ken, we'll sit on the floor, just like old times."

He plunked himself down across from the cot, so he could lean his back against the wall. Ken stared at him for a moment, but then sat down opposite him, leaning against the cot. The bottle, he set aside.

"Where's Jun?" he asked, pointedly… even accusingly?

"Right now? I'd guess she's as far away from you and me as she can get."

"Don't lie to me, Joe! I know she was in your quarters not that long ago."

"Yeah, and damned angry too. All she did was yell at me for everything I did… before Karakoram, and for not letting anyone know I wasn't dead."

Ken was staring at him, with the expression of one whose mind is busily rearranging assumptions, but then he dropped his face into his hands.

"I was so certain that she… that she-"

"She called me a 'heartless bastard' –and you too. I'm not going to dispute her assessment where I'm concerned, but what the hell's been going on with you two?"

Ken didn't answer right away, but when he did raise his face he looked broken, all his defenses down; Gatchaman was just _not_ supposed to look like this…

"Joe… It's such a mess. I have fucked up _everything_."

"No, you haven't. Look, I can assume, then, that you and Jun got together some time…?" He lifted his hand in query.

"More than a year ago. We were living together at the J and everything… But it's over; I just ended it tonight."

Joe tried, stoically, to ignore the stab that Ken's words gave him. _It was what you wanted them to do!_

"Damn it, Ken! Tell me that what you did tonight had nothing to do with me!"

"I thought she… But, no…"

Ken closed his eyes, and spoke as if confessing.

"It wasn't really anything to do with you –just me. I've been losing her… No, I've been pushing her away for weeks now. Ever since the war started… I've been screwing up missions, acting so goddamned stupidly, and it's all because- "

He looked at Joe again, eyes full of pain.

"I can't be her Commander and also be… She becomes my whole world, but I also have to be… Gatchaman, and that takes everything that I have too! It just… pulls me to pieces. How can I run a mission if I'm panicking, worrying about her? And if I'm not at the top of my game -all the time- then I'm letting the whole planet down –I'm failing the most important duty there is! I know it's pathetic, _but I just can't do it_…"

"Does this make any sense to you, Joe?" It was an anguished plea.

Joe didn't answer immediately; he was remembering, remembering the days when he was Dr. Nambu's first and only ward, and how he'd be sent, many an afternoon, to Ken's house –the idea being that the two boys would "play" together, as they were already taking lessons from tutors and martial arts classes together. At first, that was what they did, when Ken's mother was still up and walking around, although at the faintest sound of a dropped book or a teacup clattering, Ken would be off like a shot to make sure she was okay. As time went by, Ken didn't want to play anymore; he was obsessed with remaining at his mother's bedside, even if she was asleep. If she was awake, he was so eager for her to talk about his father, and she would always gladly oblige, telling endless stories of all his brave and heroic exploits, his unwavering commitment to sacrifice and duty, while getting weaker every day until the day she…

Yeah, it made some sense.

Since the first day they'd met, he could so easily have hated Ken. Ken had been the kind of kid who did chores at home without having to be told to, had perfect manners, kept his room tidy, completed all his schoolwork neatly and on time… "Bad Boy Joe" from BC Island would have written him off as a pansy, except that Ken could _fight_ –the clean, efficient beauty of Ken's technique left him in awe and left him, so many times in those days, sprawled on the floor of the dojo. Ken wasn't faster, or stronger –he could just _think_ better. And he was just so damned _good_ –pure, noble, selfless –all that stuff. But it wasn't an act to impress the adults –it was just Ken. It had always been apparent to Joe that Ken was the one with "hero" and "leader" written all over him. Standing beside Ken made Joe feel… ugly, yet somehow he could never hate Ken for that. Instead, it just made him want to stay at his side and be his "number two" –a role that Joe had never envisioned for himself, and that sometimes chafed, but that he knew instinctively was right. By that time he was aware of the rigid self-control and discipline that Ken had to exert over himself, over his own demons, in order to be the ideal leader he was so desperately determined to be. Joe knew that he could never do it, never be the man that Ken was.

He reached for the bottle of Scotch, opened it, and downed a swig.

"Here. Your turn." He held it out to Ken.

"Joe, the last thing I need right now is-"

"Don't argue, just do it. I swear it's a sacred tradition that if your best friend is hurting because of a girl, then you get drunk with him."

Ken sniffed the bottle's contents, nose wrinkling, but he drank a swallow before shoving the bottle back towards Joe.

"You haven't fucked up everything, Ken. Things will work out between you and Jun, maybe not tomorrow, but they will eventually. Give her some time to herself, and take some time for yourself too, and just… leave it alone for a while. You haven't lost her; she loves you way too much for that."

Joe downed some more of the bottle's contents and handed it back to Ken.

"What about you, Joe?" asked Ken, drinking some more, but looking at Joe with eyes still bleak and hollow. He didn't hand the bottle back.

"She should be with you; you're… the better man." That was the truth, Joe told himself. It had been true even before, but it was infinitely truer now. He wasn't a "man" anymore.

Ken laughed sharply, disbelievingly, while shaking his head slowly. He drank some more before setting the bottle on the floor.

"I know what she means to you, Joe. You'd just… stand aside like that?"

"For you, man, absolutely."

Ken slumped down further against his cot and put his face in his hands.

"And Ken, there will be no more screwed up missions," growled Joe. "I'm here to stay, and we are going to destroy Galactor, for good this time."

Joe could almost see tension, as a manifest presence, leaving Ken's body.

"I'm glad you're back, Joe," said Ken softly, through his hands, "I'm not going to question what you did, or demand to know why you stayed away all this time –you must have had reasons, reasons important to you… I'm just so glad that you're back now."

"If you're so glad, why'd you punch me in the face today?"

"Maybe I thought it would make you feel better…"

Now Ken was trembling slightly. Was he laughing?

No, he wasn't laughing.

They just sat there together, neither speaking, for a long time.

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	2. Chapter 2

Joe turned off the empty stretch of highway and onto a side road that, if he remembered correctly, wound its way through a forest. He'd been back with the team for a month now, but it hadn't taken long for him to become desperate to just _drive_, and fast! Faced with the fact that his Condor Attacker couldn't be disguised in a civilian mode, the way his old G-2 could, he'd gone and bought himself a sports car –a white one, and a convertible, no less. Dr. Rafael had set him up, ages ago, with a bank account, to be used "for the cause." He was never comfortable using the money –he still found it difficult to feel grateful for anything Dr. Rafael had done- but damn it, he'd needed a car!

He knew his racing days were over. That was how Galactor had found and captured him before, after they'd seen his face –someone in Galactor must have recognized him. So Joe Asakura returning to the track now would just lead to trouble. But there was no reason why he couldn't go tearing through a dark forest late at night, with the top down and the pine-scented air rushing past him. As it always had, driving fast helped him relax, cleared his mind…

He was living at G-Town. So was Ken; he rarely visited his airfield now. Ken had told him that his trailer was in one of his hangars, and that he could have it back. But Joe had told him that if he wasn't racing, then he didn't really need it –that it was more efficient to just sleep at G-Town and keep his minimal possessions stashed in his quarters there. The truth was, though, he had too many memories of Jun and himself, together in that trailer… How could he live there now without a continual feeling of… loss? No, his trailer was yet another thing that belonged only to the past.

The morning after his first night at G-Town, Jun had been nowhere to be found when he had gotten up. She'd gone back to Utoland. Except for missions, these days she and Jinpei still lived over the Snack J, and Ryu at his marina. Nearly a week had gone by, after that first morning, before he'd seen Jun again. It had been a motorcycle day trip that Jinpei had insisted they all come along on. Poor kid, he had clearly known that Ken and Jun had broken up and had obviously been hoping that if they saw each other it would somehow change things.

So far nothing had changed. Jun was civil, almost friendly, to both Ken and himself. Obviously, they had to _work_ together so they had to be on decent terms, but she was definitely cooler and more distant than she'd ever been. That hurt, -okay, it hurt a lot- but what could he do about it?

At least Ken had his act together now. There had been three missions in the last month, and each time they'd successfully thwarted Galactor without any injuries, destroyed vehicles or close brushes with death. But sometimes he'd caught Jun looking at him surreptitiously, which made him nervous –had he done something strange, something that could give him away? He had to be careful, all the time.

He was speeding through a clearing in the forest now, and the starry sky was all around him. He glanced up briefly; so many stars… He often wondered if Dr. Rafael had not merely repaired his vision, but had rather improved it. He could see a tiny satellite moving through the stars on a steady path. That could be Jun up there, he thought. Dr. Nambu had sent her and Jinpei up to an orbiting recon station two days ago, to gather data on the disappearances of some other important satellites. But the tiny light was growing brighter, and brighter. Joe slowed down his car to better watch it. It wasn't a satellite at all, then; it was a rocket or something beginning to enter the Earth's atmosphere. Was it Jun and Jinpei? He could have sworn that Dr. Nambu had said they were going to be up there longer than this. Maybe he'd drive over to the Omlay Space Station and find out what was going on…

Just as he was getting back on to the highway, his bracelet beeped. It was Dr. Nambu.

"Joe, as we speak, Jun is returning to Earth in an escape rocket, and she reports that the recon station where she and Jinpei were has been attacked, and it has… disappeared. Only she was able to escape. Report to G-Town at once!"

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"When the attack began," said Dr. Nambu, "Jinpei was able to transmit data to the escape rocket. Here are two images of the moon from that data –one taken before the attack, and one taken during it."

They had all assembled at G-Town –everyone except the missing Jinpei. When the orbiting recon station had been attacked, without any warning, the hatches between decks had sealed automatically, and only Jun, alone on the observation deck, had been able to reach the escape rocket. Joe had his back to the room but he was aware that Jun was standing some distance behind him. It seemed as though he could feel the despair and guilt emanating from her. He wanted to go to her, put his arms around her, and tell her that it wasn't her fault…

But he couldn't.

All he could do was stand right beside Dr. Nambu, as he brought images from Jinpei's data up on the screen, and scrutinize them intensely. He might see something the others missed.

However, the difference between the "before" and "after" images of the moon was apparent to everyone –an unknown spaceship too large to hide anywhere except the moon.

"Yes," said Dr. Nambu, "We have to assume that Galactor has constructed a secret base on the moon, and that this ship is behind the disappearance of all the satellites."

"Could Jinpei be a prisoner in their base now?" asked Ryu, sounding deeply alarmed.

Jun gasped in horror. "This is all my fault!"

Joe forced himself not to turn around. _Wasn't anyone going to help her?_

"I should have been paying more attention!" He could hear her feet moving rapidly towards the door.

"Jun!" That was Ken.

Her feet stopped. "And I left without him –I left him behind!"

"Jun, that ship must absorb light and radio waves; there's no way you could have known it was coming."

"That's right, it wasn't your fault, Jun." chimed in Ryu.

Joe peered over his shoulder. Ken was standing slightly behind Jun with his hands on her shoulders, and she had turned her head to look at Ken, clearly grateful for his solace. Her eyes were warm and soft…

He snapped his head back towards the screen in front of him. _It was good that Ken was comforting her; it should be Ken, not me…_

The best thing that he could do was to keep studying Jinpei's data, as Dr. Nambu forwarded through the multitude of images. Wait, he saw something!

"Stop, Doctor! Zoom in on this image!"

What he'd seen was debris being ejected from a tiny port on the spaceship. But if something could leave the ship from that port, then something could also enter it there too, hopefully masked by the floating debris.

"There," said Joe, pointing to the screen, "That's the only place that the ship can be infiltrated, but it will require something small enough to fit through that port and something very fast to cover the distance and get inside before it's noticed."

"We'll use a mini-rocket," said Ken.

"Do we have one that's small enough?" asked Ryu.

"Do we, Jun?" asked Ken.

Joe glanced back again. Jun was staring at Ken again, her eyes lit up with hope.

"Yes," she said, "My Swan Rocket will be perfect for this mission."

No way! Joe knew exactly what she was thinking! But the person who piloted the Swan Rocket into that Galactor ship could so easily be detected and blasted with a laser before they ever got inside, and even if they made it in, who knew what the hell could be inside that ship? No, this was clearly a job for himself.

A job for someone… expendable.

"A rocket?" he asked, "I'll be the one to fly that."

"I'm going to do it!"

And she would too, unless…

"Ken, tell her not to be an idiot!" There, now he really sounded like a jerk. If only she could see that it was _his_ job to do this kind of dangerous shit –_that was why he was here!_

"Joe…" She was staring at him now, looking stunned and hurt.

But it would be worth it, just as long as he was the one to pilot the rocket. Ken was doing a lot better these days at keeping it together when Jun was involved in dangerous situations during missions, but Joe knew that Ken would side with him on this one.

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Wearing a close-fitting space suit, he blasted away from the God Phoenix, leaving a bright trail behind him. That soon faded though, and he began to guide the Swan Rocket, little more than a flying chair, with the vertical and horizontal thrusters as he zoomed through empty space towards the Galactor ship that loomed, enormous, before him. It was visible now, and reflecting faint light from the distant Earth behind him. He could see the port that he would have to enter now, and he began the tricky task of guiding the rocket towards it, using only the thrusters –at the speed he was moving at, he couldn't afford any errors.

Suddenly, the Swan Rocket pitched; space was a silent vacuum, but bright light flared all around him. The last thing he felt was a smashing blow, like an explosion, and he was hurled forward as the Swan Rocket seemed to disintegrate around him, and everything faded…

0000000000

He was lying on his back, and there was light above him.

He opened his eyes to see Ken and Ryu staring down at him, looking amazed and relieved. He was in the God Phoenix.

"He must be immortal!" declared Ryu.

Then it all came back to him –the Swan Rocket, the Galactor ship…

If the Galactor ship had fired on him, he would have seen it. Yet somehow the Swan Rocket had blown apart around him. And now, here he was, completely unscathed, after an event which would surely have killed any normal person…

_Shit!_

But he could try to play it down, get their attention on something else.

He took a deep breath, to stifle the panic, and made himself laugh casually.

"Hey, no way I'm going to die _twice_ because of Galactor!"

He knew that Ken's mind must already be working on a Plan B, and that after what had just happened, he wouldn't be including Joe in it –no, he would want to spare Joe any further danger, and try infiltrating the Galactor ship himself. That was the last thing Joe wanted!

"Jun," he asked, "You're supposed to be our best mechanical engineer; why was the Swan Rocket so defective?"

He turned towards her as he spoke.

"I just need one more chance, Jun –fix it for me!"

He was expecting to see pride and determination in her face, for her to leap at the chance for them to get it right a second time, but instead she… crumbled.

"I can't do it," she cried, looking horrified and ashamed, "I won't do this again, Joe!" She turned away, hiding her face in her hands.

Guilt washed over Joe. Of course… When she'd seen the explosion, she thought he'd died out there, and now still believed he'd only barely escaped death–and that it was all her fault.

But he hadn't been in any real danger. But there was no way he could tell her…

"First Jinpei is lost during a mission she was leading," said Ken to him, with a hint of reproach, "and now you nearly get killed using a rocket that she built. Don't you see how badly she must be feeling right now?"

So once again, Ken got to say all the right things while he himself had been a jerk to Jun. But how could he ever tell her the truth?

0000000000

Back at G-Town, Dr. Nambu had just finished explaining to them that one of the satellites captured by the Galactor ship had contained a large and rare ruby capable of exponential magnification, and that he feared Galactor was now planning to use it at their moon base to direct a powerful laser beam at the sun –with unknown but likely horrific consequences.

At least it was keeping Dr. Nambu from pondering how Joe had survived the explosion on the Swan Rocket without any injuries. "Miraculous" he'd called it, but the imminent danger to the sun was a more pressing concern for him than a complete medical examination of Joe.

_Thank God_, was all Joe could think.

"Doctor," said Ken, eyes bright with righteous anger, "I'll search till I find their moon base, infiltrate it and get that ruby back!"

"No, Ken," said Dr. Nambu, "That's much too dangerous!"

"How else can we rescue Jinpei and stop Galactor's plan?"

This was Joe's chance…

"Take it easy, Ken," he laughed lightly, "I'll try one more time to infiltrate their ship with the Swan Rocket. If that works, it'll lead us to the moon base, and show us how to get inside it. But I will need you to repair the rocket for me, Jun."

He looked at her, as encouragingly as he was able.

"I don't know, Joe…"

"Look, nothing we do is ever completely safe –that goes with being a Science Ninja- but I do know that you're a mechanical genius and that you can repair the Swan Rocket so that it works perfectly!"

She was still worried, but this time she agreed.

She spent the remainder of that day in an engineering bay, reconstructing the wreckage of the Swan Rocket. Every time Joe peered in to see how she was doing, she was so intent upon her work that she didn't notice him, but he recognized that determined spark once again in her eyes. He knew that once she was inside that Galactor moon base, she'd be exceptionally zealous against any Galactor forces she encountered there.

On their second attempt, the Swan Rocket functioned beautifully. He got inside the ejection port on the Galactor ship as it returned to its secret moon base, and was able to thwart its cloaking technology by leaving a trail of debris for the God Phoenix to follow… all the way to its base inside a crater. From there, it was short work for them all to rescue Jinpei from a holding cell, destroy the base, take off in the God Phoenix and chase down and destroy Galactor's ship by going firebird and slicing clean through it.

Now, in the wake of their mission's success, they were all back at G-Town. He was loitering in a corridor that led into the spacious room where Dr. Nambu like to give and receive briefings, with its massive undersea windows that always seemed to have large fish peering inside. He could see Jun standing alone far across the room, gazing out the windows. He wanted to talk to her, but…

He needed to keep his distance; the last thing he needed was to get her thinking again about the explosion of the Swan Rocket. She knew its engines, and she knew explosions; surely she'd soon realize that something very strange had occurred.

Now Ken was in the room, through another entrance, and walking over to Jun. Joe sighed, and stayed where he was.

"Jun, shouldn't you be getting some sleep? It's been… quite a day."

Joe could see Jun turning to Ken, smiling. He shouldn't have been able to hear them from this distance, but he could nevertheless. Rafael…

"How's Jinpei doing?" asked Ken.

She laughed then.

"Jinpei's fine –to hear him talk, you'd think he'd never been in any danger at all, and that I'd worried for no reason!"

"Jinpei's still a kid, isn't he? I envy him. Remember how it used to be for us, when we first started out? To Jinpei, it's still all a big adventure."

He shouldn't be eavesdropping, even if it was all too easy now. Jun's voice faded away behind him as he strode back up the corridor.

"True, I can remember when I was fourteen…"

He kept walking. Jun, when she was fourteen… He could remember. He could remember that summer day, when he'd pulled up in front of Dr. Nambu's house and had seen Jun sitting alone on the grassy slope beyond the house, staring into the distance.

He'd been driving an incredibly boring old sedan that belonged to the Doctor, but he'd just returned from the local track where he'd been taking driving lessons –racing lessons, specifically- from a retired pro that Dr. Nambu had hired for this purpose. He'd tested for his driver's license the day after he'd turned sixteen, but had only been really learning how to drive, in a real car, since the spring. He'd _loved_ it. Out there on the track, he'd found he could take all the anger that lurked within him, that flared so unpredictably, and channel it into aggressive speed, into surviving on the edge of chaos. His instructor had even told him he was "a natural."

But it had been a hot summer afternoon. The fact that it was summer hadn't stopped the tutors from piling on the work, though, and he'd been supposed to practice martial arts and target shooting before the day was out too. It had been so quiet, in the way that only hot summer afternoons are quiet. He'd known that he should have been heading inside the house to finish assignments for the tutors.

Ken had been away at a flight school that summer, training for a pilot's license to finally be able to fly the old single prop plane that had belonged to his father. Already, he was urging Dr. Nambu to let him go to some fancy flight academy in Hontwohl so he could train to fly jets too. Joe was inclined to think Ken would get his wish.

Ryu had only been around sporadically that summer, as he'd persuaded Dr. Nambu to let him work a summer job at a marina, so that he could be around the water and the boats that he so loved. When he had been at home, he'd usually been occupied with assignments or that ISO "Phoenix" flight simulator program that Dr. Nambu had assigned him to beta test.

And Jinpei, he'd been attending some kind of summer camp, one that emphasized hiking and wilderness survival.

It had occurred to him, watching Jun in the distance, that she alone hadn't had anything special to do that summer. No wonder she'd looked morose –she'd probably been bored and lonely, especially with Ken away. Usually, she'd been Ken's shadow…

School work could wait, he'd decided. He'd begun walking towards her.

He'd plunked himself down on the grass beside her.

"Hey June Bug, what are you doing? Has the Doctor added meditation lessons to the roster?"

She'd punched him in the arm.

"I've told you a million times, Joe! Don't call me that!"

He'd smirked and rubbed his arm.

"Not bad, for a girl."

"For a girl?" she'd exclaimed, and had aimed a blow at his stomach –one he'd had to move very quickly to evade. But there had been laughter in those large green eyes and for once, he'd had her full attention.

"Well, you don't appear to be doing much of anything, and I could use some amusement, so what to do you say I teach you how to drive Dr. Nambu's car over there?"

Now he _really_ had her attention.

"We won't get in trouble?" she'd asked, apprehensively.

"Nah, not if we just stay on the little local roads here."

"Okay!" and she'd jumped to her feet.

The vagaries of the clutch and gear shifter had initially proven frustrating to her, and Joe had found himself pushing the driver's seat back and sliding in behind Jun.

"Look, you just worry about steering and the gas and brake pedals, for now. I'll do the shifting, till you get the hang of everything else."

Soon they'd been driving, away from the house, along the coast, and through the local village. They'd had the car windows down, and the wind had been blowing Jun's hair into his face, making it hard to see. He'd had to lean forward, putting his chin over her shoulder.

That had been a mistake. He'd never been this close to her before, not even during sparring practice. Now there he'd been, pressed up behind her, breathing the warm scent of her hair and skin. He'd glanced down briefly, and there were the curves of her nascent breasts. His arm, reaching to the gear shifter, fit so neatly into the arc of her waist and hip. He'd been aware, for the last year or so, that she was changing, but now it was… overwhelming.

She'd been so beautiful… but still so young.

"This is fun!" she'd laughed, "I can't wait until I'm sixteen!"

"Here, why don't you try shifting for yourself now?"

He'd needed, badly, to move over to the passenger seat, away from her. She'd stalled a few times at intersections, but she'd gotten the hang of it quickly, and soon they'd been heading back towards the house again.

"Look at me, I'm driving!" she'd exclaimed, and then she'd turned the full force of her smile and shining eyes on Joe, "Thanks for teaching me!"

"Hey! Keep your eyes on the road."

She'd been so beautiful, aglow in the afternoon sun. In that moment, there'd been so much he had wanted to tell her…

He'd wondered if he should he tell her about the prototype sketches he'd seen on Dr. Nambu's desk –sketches of some kind of motorcycle, with a female driver. Should he tell her about the angry phone conversations he'd heard Dr. Nambu having with people who were apparently higher-ups at the ISO or even the UN? Should he tell her that he'd heard Dr. Nambu use a word that he'd not heard in many years, not since the one time the Doctor had told him who killed his parents?

_Galactor_… Just thinking of the word then had made him feel that deep anger within.

He'd wondered if he should tell her about his growing belief that what they'd all been doing all this time –the martial arts, the weapons training, combat simulations with the special uniforms- was far more than just helping Dr. Nambu research and test ISO prototypes and evaluate the efficacy of training methods. As a collection of (mostly) orphans living with a wealthy and eccentric scientist who had a very unusual take on "home-schooling," their lives had never been exactly normal, but that summer something, somehow –he'd been unable to put his finger on it- had become different in their lives.

They'd been almost back to the house.

"Jun, I think you might be driving –for real- sooner than you think. In fact, I think that _everything_ is about to change for all of us, soon. _I can feel it_."

She'd parked the car in front of the house. He'd been startled at the urgency in his own voice. Jun had turned her head to stare at him, eyes widening with concern. Yes, she'd looked like she'd understand; he could have told her everything he'd been feeling…

The sound of a small plane flying towards them, flying very low…

Jun had turned away, jumped out of the car, and stared excitedly at the sky.

"It's Ken! That's his plane!"

She'd glanced at him briefly.

"Joe, I think he's going to land his plane in the field! Let's go see!"

He could still remember the way he'd felt, standing there, watching her run towards the field, waving her arms excitedly. It was a lot like way he felt now, walking down the corridors of G-Town, six years later.

But there was nothing he could do about it. That had been true then, and it was even truer now.

0000000000


	3. Chapter 3

It was a beautiful day to drive a convertible, even if he was ostensibly on a mission. Still, all he had to do was drive his car to the Omlay Space Station and deliver a tape of top secret Galactor data that an undercover ISO agent had managed to steal; it was hoped that if any computer could manage to decode it, it would be the powerful one at the Space Station. He was completely in civilian mode so as to not attract attention, but the others were following him, discreetly, in their G-machines.

As ever, driving his sports car fast through twisty mountain roads gave him the chance to free his mind of stress, and to try to think clearly. It was hard to believe that two months had gone by since they'd destroyed Galactor's moon base, two months since he'd nearly ruined everything for himself by surviving the explosion of the Swan Rocket, completely unscathed. Barely a week after that, he'd almost done it again, using his own body as a conduit to bridge a broken, high-voltage cable in the God Phoenix's engine room. He couldn't have repaired it quickly enough so he'd grabbed the two broken ends, one in each hand, and let the electricity flow through his own body. He'd had to do it, though, or the God Phoenix would have been destroyed and they'd all have been killed; it had been the only way to give the God Phoenix the energy necessary to go into firebird mode and break free from icebergs in order to avoid an incoming Galactor missile. He still couldn't believe that none of the others had asked him what he'd done to restore power to the God Phoenix while they were all on the bridge. Surely his burned and shredded gloves, not to mention the fact that the cable had remained in two pieces too short to reconnect, should have prompted questions.

Maybe all that was saving him was that the truth was too horrible for them to even contemplate. Jun was the team's engineer; if anyone should have been after him, demanding an explanation, it should have been her; but surely, even in her worst nightmares, it wouldn't occur to her that her teammate was a freakish abomination, neither fully alive nor fully dead.

But how long could his luck last?

That was his last coherent thought, before a swarm of one-man Galactor vehicles appeared in the air behind him, and began firing on him. Just as Ken and the others moved in to attack them, his head began to ache and his vision began to blur, making it virtually impossible for him to see where his car was going.

No! It was just like before, before… Karakoram! This wasn't supposed to happen anymore! He couldn't see! Any second now he was going to smash into something!

He felt something impact the seat beside him, and then Jun was in the car with him. He could hear her!

"Joe! Are you okay? Speak to me!"

He had a death grip on the steering wheel, trying desperately to make out something in the blur ahead of him that would enable him to stay on the road until he could slow down and stop somewhere safe.

It was too late! There was the crash of a barrier breaking, and he could sense the unmistakable quiet, and the falling sensation, of a car that had just gone over a cliff.

The smash of crushing metal, shattering glass, force heaving through his body, and everything was black…

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"Joe! Wake up, Joe!"

He opened his eyes, and found that he could make out his surroundings, although his head was still in excruciating pain – in fact, his whole body ached. But, he'd survived the crash…

_Jun_? Jun was with him, and they were in some kind of cave. Of course, she'd been in birdstyle and she must have managed to leap clear of his car before it smashed into the ground.

"Thank God, Joe!"

He stared at her, trying so desperately to see clearly.

"I was able to hide us in this cave, after the car… But I've hurt my leg…"

Even in her birdstyle, she could have died in that crash;this was all his fault. This wasn't supposed to happen! He'd given up _everything_, but what he was supposed to have in return –freedom from all his former afflictions, and the ability to keep his teammates safe- was being denied to him now too? This was unendurable!

But Jun was here, and thanks to him, she was hurt. He tried to squelch his panic, and to focus on the mission.

"Jun, do we still have the data tape?"

She reached down, and then held it out to him.

"It's still safe, Joe."

But he barely heard her, as a spasm of pain tore through his head. There, on the side of the tape, was a blinking transmitter. Why hadn't they noticed it before? That was it –that was how Galactor had found him, and that had to be what was scrambling his brain now! He grabbed the transmitter and crushed it in his hand. His vision began to clear fully, and the pain and dizziness in his head began to dissipate.

He could really see again now; for a moment, time seemed to stop as he stared around him. He could see Jun's face; she was on the floor of the cave beside him, her features wracked with suppressed pain and worry. And he could see the massive Galactor tank that was rolling into the cave's mouth, barreling down on them, surrounded by Galactor troops on foot, carrying what were clearly high-powered rifles.

They were going to shoot him. He was sprawled on the floor of the cave, in only his civvies, and there wasn't anything he could do quickly enough to prevent it.

All he could think in that instant was that if he stayed as he was, at least they would surely shoot him first, and Jun would have time to get away. He wasn't sure that even he could survive it, but that didn't matter as long as Jun survived.

Keeping her safe, keeping all of them safe, had been one of only two reasons he'd had for rejoining the team. He had hoped to destroy Leader X too…

A shot rang out, and Jun screamed.

_She had thrown herself in front of him, and had taken the shot that had been aimed at him!_

A gash had been ripped open across her shoulder blade, right through her birdstyle; didn't the universe know how utterly wrong this all was? She was not supposed to sacrifice herself for him –ever!

He leaped up, as the Galactor troops all stared at Jun's unmoving body, eager to see if they'd killed her. A rage more powerful than he'd ever known coursed through him, and he dashed around a bend in the cave wall, and flung his bracelet up before his mouth.

"Bird go!"

The next few minutes he was never able to remember very clearly. He'd been berserk, crushing the Galactor troops with his hands and feet, bashing them into the cave walls, and finally, charging down the tank, somehow ripping into its engine compartment with his own hands, and unleashing a massive explosion that tore it to fragments of metal and debris.

And then he'd rushed to Jun's side. She was limp and bleeding, and barely even conscious as he picked her up and carried her out of the cave, shielding her from the flames of the still burning tank with his wings. He could only hope that Ken or one of the others would have heard the explosion, and would come now. He stood there, flooded with utter misery, as he heard distant calls of his and Jun's names, as Ken, Ryu and Jinpei came running towards him.

He handed Jun, still draped in his arms, over to Ken. He had brought this on her; he had no right to be holding her, to even be touching her.

"I can take her back to G-Town," said Ken, face white and lips tight, "My jet is the fastest!"

And he was off, carrying Jun away quickly to his jet parked in the distance.

"Hey Joe," said Ryu quietly, "I can give you a lift back to the God Phoenix."

"Thanks, man," he replied, numbly. Knowing that his car had to be completely demolished just didn't matter to him now; all he could think about was the ugly wound across Jun's back, a wound that she should never have suffered. It should have been his.

Jinpei's jaw was clenched tightly, and he kept blinking, though he was managing not to let his mouth tremble. Jun had never been injured like this before.

He wondered how much longer Jinpei's feeling that this was "still all a big adventure," could last.

0000000000

These thoughts came back to him, later. He was sitting beside Jun's bed in the medical ward at G-Town, watching her sleep. He'd stayed away until late at night, unable to face her while she was awake.

This war was different from the first one. Then, there'd been just as much danger, death and destruction from Galactor's schemes and mecha attacks, but in spite of it all, there had been times of genuine fun and camaraderie, and times when they could all seem to enjoy normal lives. Such times seemed to be becoming scarcer now for all of them. He missed hanging out at the Snack J; he rarely ever went there now.

It was so hard to be around the others now without feeling nervous all the time, without feeling utterly isolated by his horrible secret…

And Jun… As much as he was drawn to her, it also hurt to be near her, to be reminded of what he'd lost and what he stood to lose. Too many times already, he'd come close to exposing himself, and today he'd done it again, ripping into that tank with his hands. She'd been unconscious at the time, but he hadn't even thought about that at all when he'd charged at the tank; in a frenzy of rage and guilt, all he'd wanted to do was destroy it and the Galactor soldiers who had hurt Jun.

Now he was just sitting by her bed, watching her face, peaceful and beautiful, as she slept. But he just couldn't keep memories of their time together, during the first war, from his thoughts, no matter how much pain his memories brought him now…

"You won!" Jun had cried. She'd been laughing and running towards him as he'd gotten out of his car and had unbuckled his helmet. All around him had been the din of the fans in the stands, the noise of cars just finishing the race, the announcer's voice over the speakers declaring "the winner is number two, Joe Asakura!"

"Jun?" he'd whispered. The track he'd been at was far from Utoland, and he hadn't expected anyone from the team to show up there, but here had been Jun, throwing her arms around his neck and lavishing kisses on his face. Could the day have gotten any better?

It could.

"Jun, how- when-"

She hadn't been making it easy for him to speak, but she'd soon noticed how many people had been staring at them and taking pictures. He'd wrapped an arm around her waist though, keeping her close beside him.

"Jinpei's gone on some overnight fishing expedition with Ryu, and I just decided to close up the Snack J and I caught a train up here to see your race. I got here just as it was starting. You were great!"

"I was lucky," he'd replied, but he'd been unable to keep the grin off his face. Then, the significance of her earlier words had sunk in...

"So, Jun, you don't have to go back to Utoland tonight?"

"That's right," she'd said, her eyes dancing.

They could spend the night together –_really_ spend the night together- he'd realized. All they'd ever had were surreptitious and all-too-brief trysts in his trailer or at the Crescent Base. But that night, he'd realized, they were in a city where no one knew them, where they had no responsibilities (barring Galactor attacks), and he was flush with first-place winnings.

"_We are going to celebrate!_" he'd whispered in her ear.

A few inquiries to track officials and other drivers had turned up the names of the city's best restaurant and best hotel.

"Joe, I didn't bring anything to wear!" Jun had groaned.

So, he'd lounged in a comfy chair in some high-end ladies' clothing store while Jun had entertained herself and him trying on dress after dress, emerging from the changing room to model each one for him. So rarely had he ever seen her in anything but her numbered civvies or birdstyle, he'd been awed to see just how many facets there were to her beauty, as each dress had seemed to enhance her in new ways.

The final choice had been deep red satin with spaghetti straps. She'd turned every head when she'd walked into the restaurant with him that night. Somehow they'd found out that he was the winner of the big race, and then a bottle of champagne had materialized at their table…

And he could still remember the hotel room, with the sunken marble bathtub that had made Jun go "ooh…" And he could still remember the vision that had been Jun, with her wet hair slicked back from her face, her eyes large and dark in the dim light, rising from the swirling water and bubbles, with a glistening sheen on her breathtaking body…

He'd almost dropped the bottle of wine he'd ordered from room service.

How long had they been together at that point? About four months or so, but he'd still felt, at times like that, a sense of surprise and amazement washing over him whenever she was naked and looking straight into his eyes, offering herself to him. Always there'd been the feeling that it had to be too good to be true, that there had been a glitch in the workings of fate –a mistake that would soon be rectified. He wasn't good enough to deserve this…

But Jun had waded through the water, with bubbles swirling about the skin of her thighs, until she could reach out to him. He'd dropped to his knees as she'd pulled him into a long, slow kiss while unbuttoning his shirt. Somehow he'd been able to remove the rest of his clothes and enter the water without breaking their kiss. They'd sunk into its warmth, their wet bodies sliding and caressing together as they'd clung to each other, still kissing…

Jun stirred in her sleep, shifting and grimacing slightly as if in pain. Joe shook his head angrily, as if to clear his head. Why couldn't he stop himself from dwelling on the past? If he could just drill it into his damned brain –or whatever was in his head now- that he was never going to be with Jun again, his existence would be a hell of lot easier!

She'd acted to save his life today. He could still remember that mission, in the first war, when he'd been in such bad shape he'd fallen out the tornado fighter maneuver. During the fight with the Galactor goons, his balance had been way off and he'd been knocked down. A goon had been about to shoot him in the face. He could still remember that sudden flash of despair; he'd thought he was about to die and he hadn't wanted to die –not like _that_. But then he'd heard Jun's cry of "yoyo strike" and the goon had crumpled to the ground. Jun had saved his life, and he'd felt a flood of gratitude and relief that she'd been watching out for him.

But he'd still been a real man, then; worth saving…

He closed his eyes. He had to come up with a way to tell her _never_ to do again what she'd done today, that he was_ not_ worth risking her life over. It was the other way around now; he should be the one risking himself to save her, or what the hell was he even doing here? He would somehow have to figure out a way to explain this to her without revealing the truth about-

"Joe?"

Jun was awake, sitting up awkwardly in the bed, groggy but smiling at him…

And then her eyes clouded in memory, her smile vanished.

She flung herself out of the bed, on the opposite side, with a suppressed cry of pain. But she instantly turned to face him, in only a hospital gown, her whole body tensed.

"Jun? What's wrong-"

"I saw you pull that tank apart with your hands! How did you do that?"

Oh God… She hadn't been unconscious at all; she'd seen him in the cave…

"It all makes sense now! The broken cable in the engine room, the way you survived the explosion with the Swan Rocket…"

Her eyes were filled with anger, fear… and disgust. He'd managed to stand up, but he found himself unable to speak. What could he say now?

"You're not Joe!" she snarled. "Are you a spy –like that bastard Getz? No, wait –you can't be human; you've got to be some kind of goddamned _cyborg_, with Joe's face! I see it now –you've been lurking here, waiting for me to wake up, to find out if you'd blown your cover or not… and to kill me if you have!"

"Jun-"

"It all makes sense now! How could I have ever believed that creepy 'Rafael' miraculously healed Joe? If the real Joe had survived Karakoram, he would never have stayed hidden from me for two years, and he would never act the way you've been acting towards me! Avoiding everyone! We never found his body –what did you Galactor filth do with his-"

Her voice choked.

"his dead body?"

She angrily brushed tears from her eyes.

"Jun, I can explain…" But he couldn't. He couldn't even think. The only thing in his mind now was the echo of her words, "goddamned cyborg," and the look of utter revulsion that had crossed her face. Everything he had ever suffered in his life –_and he'd suffered a lot_- paled in comparison to that look in her eyes now.

"You can explain it to Gatchaman!" She raised her left arm towards her face; she had her bracelet and she was going to call Ken and the others too.

It was all over for him now. All he'd had left in this world was the chance to protect her, and the others, and to defeat Leader X. But he'd lost it all now…

Unless-

"I bought you a red dress…" he managed to blurt out, as she opened her mouth to speak into her bracelet.

"What?"

"A race I was in, up north, you came up by train and watched me race. Later, I bought you a red dress, and we stayed in a hotel, and we…"

She was shaking, breathing hard.

"Joe? How… I don't understand…" Her voice was high and thin, and her eyes full of confusion.

He was struggling to keep his own body from shaking, as grief and anger wracked him. He realized then, that despite all he'd told himself about protecting the others and destroying Leader X, he'd really come out of hiding and rejoined the team because, after seeing Jun at Easton Island, San Frangeles, and New Jork, he'd been unable to stay away from her. She'd been so angry at him; she'd hit him, called him heartless, and he'd had to hide behind a stern façade. But he could have endured that, and all the agonizingly bittersweet memories she stirred in him, just to be near her -to see her face and hear her voice- and to perpetuate the illusion that he was still a man, so that whenever Jun looked at him, she believed she was seeing him as he'd been before. In her eyes, he'd been a man who had abandoned her, but he'd still been a man.

Any second now, she was going to make the final connection, and realize that he'd been taken and made into a cyborg.

_Can't be human… goddamned cyborg…_

She would run straight to Ken and Dr. Nambu. He'd be declared a massive security risk. He'd be shut up in some ISO lab, under intense suspicion, to be examined, poked and prodded…

Or, he could make a break for it right now, before she acted. He could flee G-Town and go into hiding, fight Galactor completely on his own, and never see Jun or any of the others again. That was what he would have to do –cleanly sever all his final ties to humanity, to his emotions. He needed to make his feet move, to run out of this room!

But he wasn't moving. He was still staring across the bed into Jun's horrified eyes.

He was pathetic.

He wasn't going to be able to leave. He wanted to scream in rage. What had he ever done to the universe to possibly deserve the hell that was his existence now?

But there was one possible way that he could yet stay and maybe be able to endure her knowing what he'd been reduced to…

"I'm not with Galactor, Jun. Neither is Rafael. But he did turn me into a cyborg."

His voice sounded flat in his ears, dead even, as he willed himself to feel nothing.

She gasped.

"I… I… I'm so sorry, Joe!"

"Sorry? Well if you feel so goddamned _sorry_ for me, do you think you can manage to keep your mouth shut about this?" Now he just sounded cold and harsh. "Do you think you might be able to feel _sorry_ enough to not go running to Ken or Dr. Nambu? Can you do that much for me?"

He would have to armor himself completely. If he could force himself to be wholly a machine in her eyes, maybe he himself could eventually come to believe it too. Maybe he could, finally, stop feeling anything…

Stop loving Jun.

"This… _this_ is why you stayed away so long-"

"Well, I'm here now! And all I'm here to do is destroy Leader X and to keep you four from getting yourselves killed –got that? The mission is all that matters to me, and if you can keep from blabbing to everyone, then I can go about accomplishing it without interference!"

Her mouth was open, her lips trying to move, but she didn't say anything.

"So don't go taking anymore bullets for me, alright? That's my job!"

"I won't say anything, Joe, I promise! But-"

"Good!" he snapped and spun around to leave the room. He wasn't going to be able to keep this up much longer…

"But," she whispered, "In the Dera Desert, there were tears in your eyes…"

He didn't turn around.

"You won't see that again! I'm a machine, Jun –just a killing machine! Stay the hell out of my way!"

"Joe, I-"

And he was out the door.

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	4. Chapter 4

Joe was walking through G-Town, as the team had just been summoned by Dr. Nambu for a briefing. He could have taken one of the transport tubes, but he wanted to ensure he arrived last, so he wouldn't find himself alone there with Jun.

There was one small comfort in Jun knowing the truth about him; no matter what happened to him, there really wasn't much now that could make his life any harder. It had been six weeks now since she'd found out –six weeks of avoiding her absolutely as much as he possibly could, six weeks of making sure he wasn't anywhere near her unless some of the others were there too, and six weeks of constant anxiety –always nervously watching Ken, expecting at any moment to be confronted. He'd acquired a motorcycle and he spent as many hours alone as he could, just driving… nowhere really -just driving fast, just trying to be _away_.

But Jun had apparently kept her promise, at least so far. Yet every time she so much as glanced at him, he felt like one of those repulsive bugs that run scuttling for cover when the rock they dwell beneath is overturned.

A few weeks ago, he'd been swimming alone in the pool at G-Town. Then Jinpei had shown up, and before he knew it, the kid had called all the others to come there too. The very last thing he'd needed to see was Jun's beautiful body in a bikini. She'd dived into the water; she'd been swimming in his direction. He couldn't have exited the pool faster if she'd been a shark. Ken and Ryu had just been walking in, and he'd hesitated, wondering if it would seem too strange if he fled them all now.

He'd cast a hasty glance back at the pool, only to see Jun staring straight at him, her eyes moving slowly from his feet all the way up his body…

No! He'd nearly jumped in panic, yet somehow made it over to a chair behind a poolside table.

Stop_ examining _me, Jun!

Ken and Ryu had joined him there. Then Jinpei had challenged Jun to a race, and they'd begun swimming, much to his relief. He'd had to sit there at the table, though, fighting the urge to run and forcing himself to make small talk to Ken and Ryu.

"Don't let a girl beat you!" he'd called out to Jinpei. A rotten thing to say, but he couldn't seem to help it.

It had been maybe a week later that he'd been out driving his motorcycle through a desolate area near a volcano, and he'd been irresistibly drawn to it. All he'd been able to think about was the explosion of the Swan Rocket in space, and the high electric current he'd channeled through himself on the God Phoenix…

He'd found a tunnel into the center of the volcano. In that moment, he'd wanted so desperately to believe that however much of him was gone now, that he might yet be more human than cyborg. He'd shoved his hand into a pool of glowing lava; was it insane that he'd actually been hoping that it would burn through his hand, make him scream in pain?

But it hadn't harmed him.

Then he'd found out that Ryu had been captured by Galactor and trapped in the empty space of an alternate dimension. He'd made sure he was the one who had left the God Phoenix during their rescue operation, that he had been the one who'd been hit with flaming meteors on his way to retrieve Ryu and bring him back to the God Phoenix. The meteors and their flames hadn't hurt him at all. But later, he'd noticed Ryu giving him some strange looks.

Joe stopped where he was, in the corridor, and shook his head. Whether Jun kept her promise or not, it was all going to unravel on him, sooner or later…

But he was almost to the briefing room now; he could hear all the others' voices in there already. Dr. Nambu began speaking as soon as he entered the room.

"I need you to go and investigate the Carl Corporation. Its current CEO is the founder's grandson, Carl III, and under him it has become one of the most powerful corporations in the world. However, recent intelligence reports have given me cause to think that he may have… sinister intentions where world peace and stability are concerned."

Ken didn't move, but his eyes had widened in alarm.

This was the same Carl that Ken had known at the Flight Academy in Hontwohl all those years ago, wasn't it?

"I believe you have a past acquaintance with this man, Ken," said Dr. Nambu.

Ken sighed and closed his eyes briefly before speaking.

"Actually, I just received an invitation to a reunion of our Flight Academy class. It was sent by Carl, as he's hosting it. I had no intention of attending it…"

"Your intentions will change, then," replied Dr. Nambu, "This is an ideal opportunity for you, Ken, to infiltrate his home and investigate his activities without raising any suspicion. My sources tell me he is engaged to another graduate of the Flight Academy –perhaps you know her too."

"If you say so, Doctor, I'll go," said Ken softly, now staring off across the room. Jun had turned to look at Ken now, remembering.

Joe could remember too. When he was seventeen, he'd travelled with his racing instructor to watch some of the world's best drivers race and while near Hontwohl, he had made a side trip to visit Ken at the Flight Academy. Ken had been training as a jet pilot there, despite being a year shy of its minimum required age. Dr. Nambu could pull strings when he wanted to; even Jinpei had had a special ISO driver's license by that point and he'd barely been ten.

And Joe remembered Carl; he remembered being about three seconds from punching the guy's lights out, shortly after Ken had first introduced them. He couldn't even remember now what exactly Carl had said that had pissed him off; he could only remember being dragged away by Ken, who'd kept saying stuff like "Look, he's not so bad… really –it's just his way; let it go!"

But then he'd met Ken's other friend, Lisa, and it had all made sense. He'd understood Carl's surliness, and he'd figured out who owned the bra that Ken had suddenly noticed on his floor and hastily kicked beneath his bed when Joe had first entered his dorm room. Lisa had been nearly twenty, but other than having blue rather than green eyes, she had looked so very much like Jun.

Upon his return to Utoland, a fifteen year old Jun had practically pounced on him.

"Joe, you're back! You saw Ken, right? Tell me everything!"

"How did you know I visited Ken?"

"We got a letter from him today, and he wrote you'd been there. He also sent some photos. Look here–did you meet his friends?"

Jun had shown him a photo of Carl, Lisa and Ken, all arm-in-arm and wearing flight suits. Lisa had been in the middle.

"Yeah, I met them."

Jun had been staring at the photo, but Joe had only been looking at her. She'd been so beautiful –far more than she could have known- and she'd looked as if she were made of delicate porcelain. But Joe had known how strong she really was. Barely a year earlier, Dr. Nambu had assembled them all in the dining room, looking haggard with despair and resignation, and had grimly asked them if they were willing to train for real –train to be an elite squad of soldiers against a global menace that he, and practically he alone, had been convinced was imminent.

Galactor.

Jun had agreed without any hesitation. For years, Joe had burned with a desire for revenge against Galactor, but that night there had been fire in Jun's eyes too. And she had become a highly talented motorcyclist and demolition expert, in addition to her combat and weapons skills. Joe had known without a doubt that when the time came, she would be truly lethal.

But when Jun, still staring at the photo, had asked him about Lisa, all he'd seen was a beautiful girl, sheltered and still so innocent.

"What's _she_ like?" she'd asked him, brow furrowed with unease, "She looks so… glamorous."

He'd realized that he couldn't tell her what he knew. That had been something for only Ken to do, if he chose, and even if it had been otherwise, Joe had felt he could never bear to tell Jun anything that would bring her pain.

"Lisa? She's nice enough, but she's nothing special. If you ask me, she's trying to get her hooks into Carl, though –his family's filthy rich and no girl can resist that."

"You jerk!" Jun had said, punching him. "Girls aren't all like that!"

But her forehead had smoothed, and a hint of a smile had appeared on her lips.

But Ken was speaking again, and it pulled Joe's thoughts back to the present.

"The reunion is in three days, Doctor," said Ken, now looking down at the floor. "I'll send a message that I'll be attending after all."

"So where is this reunion, anyway?" asked Jun, "I want to know where we're going."

Ken had blanched slightly, until Dr. Nambu cut in, informing Jun that the God Phoenix might attract too much attention and that it would be best if the investigation of Carl Enterprises was conducted, at least initially, by Ken alone.

Joe could almost read Ken's thoughts. He could still recall when Ken had been peremptorily summoned back to Utoland by Dr. Nambu before he could graduate from the Flight Academy; he'd had to pack his stuff and clear out of there quickly in order to begin leading the nascent Science Ninja Team's first real, not simulated, drills in the newly completed God Phoenix. Joe had no precise idea how Ken had left things with Lisa more than four years ago but he could read him pretty well –then and now- even when he wouldn't say much. It was obvious that Ken was reluctant to see her again, and didn't want Jun or any of the rest of them around when it happened.

So be it, thought Joe. He could stay in touch with Ken through their bracelets, and be ready to go if Ken discovered any dirt on Carl.

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As it turned out, Ken wouldn't respond to any of Joe's attempts to contact him at the reunion -not until the second night.

"G2 to G1, over!"

"What do you want, Joe?"

Shit, thought Joe. Ken sounded awful. What the hell had Lisa done to him?

"I want to know what's going on! Have you found anything on Carl?"

There was a long silence.

"Carl's dead." Ken's voice sounded… empty.

"What happened? Where are you now?"

"I'm flying back to G-Town."

"Damn it, Ken, what happened?"

"Carl was with Galactor." Ken's voice was raspy, as if he'd been crying… hard. "There was even a secret Galactor base beneath his mansion, with goons and everything. But it's all destroyed now."

Joe sighed.

"Look, I'm sorry, Ken. I know he was your friend. And I know you, Ken –you only did what you had to do!"

Ken was laughing, horribly.

"I didn't kill him! He was shot by Galactor goons."

Joe's mind raced. What else had happened then, to reduce Ken to this state? Something with Lisa?

"Lisa and I discovered the secret base, and confronted Carl there. He said he was going to have us both killed…"

"Come on, you can tell me what happened, Ken," said Joe, speaking more softly now.

"I should never have dragged her into it! I should have confronted Carl alone but…" Again, the ragged laughter that wasn't laughter at all.

How was Ken even managing to fly a jet right now? He sounded almost crazed.

"With Carl and me, it was always a big competition and I just had to expose him in front of Lisa… I just had to win, one last time!"

Oh no…

"What happened to Lisa?"

Another long silence.

"She's dead too, Joe," whispered Ken. "Gel Sadra was there, and she had no further use for Carl so she ordered the goons to shoot him. Lisa threw herself in front of Carl, before I could do anything! She took the bullets aimed at him –_she loved him that much, even knowing the terrible things he had done_- and now she's dead. And then they just shot Carl anyway!"

Poor Lisa, she had been Ken's substitute for Jun and now she was dead. Joe knew all about being drawn to women who, no matter how much you cared for them or tried to convince yourself you cared for them, were in the end just substitutes for the real thing...

Substitutes for Jun.

And if they died… oh, he knew all too well the guilt that_ that_ unleashed, and he also knew just how badly Ken, for all his self-discipline, handled the death of anyone he cared about…

Especially women.

He'd been out driving around on his motorcycle, but he realized now that he had to get back to G-Town fast, to do some damage control on Ken when he returned.

"Look, Ken, just concentrate on your flying now –we can talk about this when you get back to G-Town."

That bottle of Scotch might be in order here, thought Joe, sighing to himself again.

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Somehow he'd missed Ken. When he'd reached the docking bay at G-Town, the jet Ken had flown was there, but he was nowhere in sight and this late at night there'd been no one to tell him where he might have gone. Joe checked Ken's quarters, but he wasn't there either. And, he wasn't answering his bracelet –not a good sign. So, he'd set out to wander around G-Town until he found him.

Now, he was approaching a small, dark observation room on the lower level that he was fairly certain no one used, but he was running out of options.

But as he approached the entrance, he could hear voices… voices that sounded like Ken and Jun's.

He knew it was wrong in so many ways, but he couldn't seem to stop himself from silently sliding up to the entrance and peering around it. There was a couch in the room, facing the windows, and Ken and Jun's heads and shoulders were visible above its back.

"A good friend to her?"

That was Ken and he sounded, if anything, worse now than he had when Joe had spoken with him. And his hair was disheveled and his eyes, raw.

"I think I was probably the worst thing that ever happened to her…"

Jun was close to Ken and facing him, but from his vantage, Joe couldn't see her expression, and she was silent for a moment.

"You loved her. You loved her, didn't you?" said Jun softly, as one finally seeing what had long lain unobserved.

Ken was looking at Jun now, eyes stormy and so, so sad.

"It was never going to work between Lisa and me; I knew that. I knew that even before Dr. Nambu recalled me to Utoland… You see, there was always someone else."

"Of course…" said Jun, "Carl."

"No, Jun, not Carl! It was you," Ken said almost wildly, clutching Jun's shoulders, "I could never give her what she really wanted; I was in love with you… only you!"

Joe realized he'd stopped breathing.

Jun made some wordless sound, but then Ken pulled her towards him and began kissing her passionately, desperately…

It was as if he were in a pocket of frozen time; he wanted to flee –why weren't his legs moving?

Jun's arms rose up and encircled Ken, and then he was pressing her down with his body and they both disappeared from view, behind the back of the couch.

Joe wrenched his legs into motion, disgusted at himself for watching… what he'd no right to see, for not moving away the instant he'd recognized their voices. Rapidly but silently, he moved up the corridor and away from them.

Now he was almost running, for the submarine bay. He needed to be far away from G-Town, and far away from them.

This is good, he told himself. They belong together, and Ken will get it right this time.

_She will never be with you again._

_You were a substitute._

But the defiant ache in his chest told him that no matter how much his reason bludgeoned his emotions, and no matter what he'd been trying to accomplish ever since Jun had learned the truth of his degraded existence, he would never be able to stop loving her.

In the days that followed, he was closer than he'd ever been to wanting to just end his existence –closer even than when he'd first regained consciousness in Rafael's lab and learned what had been done to him. With the reckless way he'd behaved so much of his life, he knew that many had often thought he had a death wish, but the reality was completely different; life was utterly precious to him. Now he was a cyborg and he no longer had a true life, but Jun did. So did Ken, and Jinpei, and Ryu and Dr. Nambu.

Despite his despair, he still wanted them to live. If he were going to end his existence, he would sacrifice himself to save one or all of them. That was the one thing of value he had left –that, and his dream of destroying Leader X.

In the days that followed, Ken and Jun had made no outward show of being together again, but he was certain that he saw a subtle difference in the way they looked at each other, in the way they moved around each other. He couldn't bring himself to ask Ken anything about it though. It was then that he fully understood why, years ago, Jun had wanted to keep his and her relationship covert; she'd said it would be easier for Ken.

She was right –even knowing what was going on, it was more bearable if you didn't have to see it going on right in front of your face.

But a month later, when Dr. Rafael asked him to submit to an upgrade of his cyborg components and capabilities, to become even more of a machine, he acquiesced and submitted to the surgeries.

What did it matter now?

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	5. Chapter 5

Ten days later, Joe was sitting with the others in the G-Town briefing room, glowering. Earlier that day, they'd been sent by Dr. Nambu to fetch his new assistant, a Dr. Pandora. Dr. Pandora had turned out to be an attractive redhead, and she'd sure laid on the charm but he didn't trust her. Not one bit.

They'd been attacked by Galactor on their way back to G-Town and she'd helped them defeat their attackers. But she had known the attack was coming before anyone could have possibly have known –unless it had all been an elaborate set-up, an attempt to win their trust by seeming to be opposed to Galactor.

Still, Joe had to admit to himself, he might yet have trusted her if Dr. Nambu hadn't announced that one of her areas of scientific research was Cybernetics. If that were the case, then she was certainly one of the first ISO scientists to ever delve into that area. There were _reasons_ that Cybernetics possessed the dreaded and sinister reputation that it did; it had been developed and advanced by Galactor –using men like Dr. Rafael- to turn humans into deadly, unnaturally powerful minions of Galactor –creatures with no free will or no consciences. Sure, Dr. Rafael had since gone legit, and Joe knew that Dr. Pandora had no recent ties to him; but if she was an expert in Cybernetics, then it was damned unlikely that she'd come by her knowledge honestly.

And why the hell was Dr. Nambu suddenly interested in having an assistant who claimed to know about Cybernetics? Joe cast a suspicious glance at Jun. Could she have ratted him out to the Doctor?

Dr. Pandora wasn't here now. She and Dr. Nambu had left G-Town together to investigate an explosion at the Cape Long energy plant –part of the Mantle Project- and Joe wasn't happy about that.

"We shouldn't be here!" he finally burst out, "We shouldn't have let the Doctor go anywhere alone with that woman –I'll bet she's with Galactor!"

"Dr. Pandora?" said Jinpei, "No way! But going with them would have been more fun than hanging around here."

"I don't know," said Ryu, "It couldn't have hurt, though, if we'd tagged along…"

"Joe, you shouldn't be suspicious," said Jun, making him flinch slightly, though there was no way she could know he'd just been suspecting _her_ too.

"Yes," said Ken, "If Dr. Nambu selected her, we have to trust her. Don't you think he would have had her thoroughly investigated before bringing her here?"

Maybe she wasn't with Galactor, but Joe was still convinced that Dr. Pandora was a person harboring some kind of secret –it took one to know one! But he also knew that this was a situation where his instincts wouldn't be able to prevail over Ken's logic. He could feel his fists clenching, almost involuntarily.

"I have some bad news to report!" An ISO employee called out, running into the briefing room. "Dr. Nambu has been shot, at the Cape Long energy plant, and he's in critical condition!"

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At the hospital at Cape Long, they were able to see Dr. Nambu briefly, but he was comatose and the neurosurgeon wasn't optimistic…

_Not Dr. Nambu! I should have been there; I should have been protecting him!_

But the appearance of Dr. Pandora diverted Joe from his anguish… and into rage. He'd tried to shoot her, and had failed only because Ken had grabbed onto him.

Then Dr. Pandora had asserted herself, denying that she had been Dr. Nambu's attacker, and coolly reminding all of them that she now held his authority and that they were obligated to follow her orders. And Ken accepted this!

Now she had taken them all to another room in the hospital, a room with a strange scientific machine that none of them recognized. Joe's anger still simmered and only his belief that he could always shoot Dr. Pandora later was keeping him in line now. He slouched against the wall, as insolently as he could.

She claimed that, using the machine, she'd been able to detect powerful brain waves emanating from an unknown location, and that these particular brain waves could attack the mind of another person. According to Dr. Pandora, the explosion of the Cape Long energy plant had been a ploy by Galactor to lure Dr. Nambu out, so that he could be attacked in this way.

Joe was still deeply suspicious. Her theory didn't explain why Dr. Nambu had been shot instead of having his brain attacked, but she ordered them to launch the God Phoenix and she handed a device to Ken that she claimed would allow the God Phoenix to trace the origin of the attacking brain waves. It sounded like a lot of bullshit to Joe, and he was fully prepared to stay at the hospital and guard Dr. Nambu –guard him from her! But Ken, so damned dutiful, acceded to her orders.

Soon, they were out in the God Phoenix searching for a secret Galactor base in the vicinity of Cape Long, using Dr. Pandora's supposed tracking device.

An indicator light began to flash on the main console. That could only mean a top priority incoming message. As protocol dictated, Ken picked up the secure receiver so that only he could hear it.

Ken's face went blank with shock.

"_What?"_ demanded Joe, and everyone else too.

"Dr. Nambu is… he's dead," stammered Ken.

And Joe saw red. Without a second's hesitation, he ran from the bridge and straight to his Condor Attacker vehicle. Obeying Dr. Pandora's orders? Fuck that! He was going back to the Cape Long hospital -_the hospital he never should have left in the first place_- to avenge the man who had been like a father to him!

0000000000

Joe pulled up to a screeching halt in front of the hospital. It was late at night and as he ran inside, he encountered no one. But he could hear faint shouts and crashing sounds, and while following those, he saw a set of doors with a large hole melted right through them. Inside was Dr. Nambu, lying on a table, and directly in front of him was Dr. Pandora. She sat in the midst of the "brain wave detector" machine that she had shown them earlier that day, and she was wearing a metal helmet with wires protruding from the top, connecting her to the machine.

"Stop, Joe, don't come in!" she yelled.

_Like hell he would stop! She had done this to Dr. Nambu!_

He moved into the room, whipping out his gun –Ken wasn't here to stop him now- and aimed for her head.

An invisible force ripped the gun from his hands. But he didn't need a gun to take her out. He rushed towards her.

"Stop, Joe!"

He wanted to kill her, but the look on her face –it wasn't fear or anger, it was just… complete anguish. In that instant, he still hit her –his fist to her midsection- but not nearly as hard as he'd intended.

"Joe," she gasped, doubling over and clutching him to keep from falling. "You have to understand… there's a monster in this room -invisible brain waves from Gel Sadra- looking for Dr. Nambu's mind… I was trying to fight it off using this machine, to protect him!"

"Protect him?" snarled Joe, "He's dead –you shot him!"

"No, he's not truly dead! He's in a state that simulates death, but it's wearing off now! If he regains consciousness, his mind will be detected by the monster and then he really will die!"

Joe wasn't sure he believed her, but he had nothing to lose now by trying to use the machine himself. He yanked his own helmet off and put the one wired to the machine over his head.

Strange energy, like nothing he'd ever encountered before, flowed into his head and through his entire body in a rush. A roaring sound filled his ears, but he could see it now. The monster was a hideous red demon-thing, moving around the room, searching.

_Fight it, kill it, protect Dr. Nambu…_

And then a powerful warrior of glowing gold appeared, and it attacked the demon. That was him –his own thoughts in a visible form! But the demon was fighting back; he had to concentrate; he had to generate more power or he would lose this fight. He unleashed everything he had within himself, draining all his mind's energy, but he was able to see the golden warrior stab and destroy the demon, before his world went dark and he knew no more.

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He could smell the scent of fresh flowers.

He opened his eyes, to a white ceiling in a room filled with sunlight. He was on a bed. He hastily sat up, and the first thing he saw was Dr. Nambu, alive and well. Thank God…

Dr. Pandora had been telling the truth after all.

"Finally, we're all together again," said Dr. Nambu.

Dr. Pandora was there, they were all there –Ken, Jun, Ryu and Jinpei. He slowly looked at each of them, seeing the stains of grief on all their faces. Well, that was understandable, as they too had believed that Dr. Nambu had died.

"We found and destroyed Galactor's base," said Jinpei, looking at Dr. Pandora, "But can you explain now what happened at your end?"

Joe was still looking at Ken and Jun. Something about them was still… wrong. Ken looked shaken and hollow-eyed, and Jun… her face, normally so expressive, seemed somehow closed off.

"Galactor attacked Dr. Nambu, using brain waves, when he and I were investigating the Cape Long energy plant, and the only way I could protect him was to shoot him with a special weapon that sends its victim into a state that resembles brain death. I should have explained what I was doing, but time was of the essence and I wasn't sure anyone would believe me if I'd tried to explain. But I should have tried… I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," said Joe, as her words sank in, "I shouldn't have mistrusted you so much."

"But only you could have saved Dr. Nambu, Joe," she replied, "Only a cyborg could have had the strength to endure the machine long enough to defeat Galactor's brain wave attack."

_And Joe's entire universe froze. She had just told them all –everyone in the world that mattered to him- what he was!_

Joe closed his eyes. It was all over. He heard someone gasp.

"A _cyborg_?" That was Ken.

He would have to face them now; he had to look at them. He opened his eyes slowly, steeling himself.

Ryu and Jinpei were wide-eyed and both looking to Ken as if waiting for a cue for how to respond. Jun's face was unchanged. Ken glanced at her briefly, but then his eyes met Joe's.

Ken looked dazed, like someone who was already in pain and for whom one more blow didn't make much difference.

So Jun really had kept her promise…

"Yes," said Dr. Nambu, "Joe is a cyborg, and it's because of him that I'm still alive. Thank you, Joe."

Dr. Nambu was almost smiling, smiling at him. Could this really be?

"And thanks to you all," he continued, "Now, we can all continue in our fight against Galactor, to preserve peace in this world."

_Dr. Nambu trusted him, trusted a cyborg? He could actually stay on the team?_

Jun's face was still unreadable. He looked at Ken, Ryu and Jinpei again; surely he would see some… suspicion or dismay in their faces. But all he saw was the blankness of surprising information being processed and absorbed, and nothing more –no hint of the sickening gaze of pity, even.

How could this be?

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	6. Chapter 6

Dr. Nambu had told Joe he could leave the hospital at Cape Long whenever he chose, but he'd first gone back to the room where he'd battled the brain wave demon in order to retrieve his gun, which was still lying in a corner of the room. Now he was looking for the others, figuring that the God Phoenix had to be around somewhere, and that they would all fly back to G-Town in it.

He still couldn't believe that they had all so casually accepted having a cyborg on the team, unless they were all in shock, still figuring out what to do. How did they know he wasn't secretly some kind of sleeper agent for Galactor who would go berserk and kill them all just when they least expected it, or perform secret acts of sabotage without even being conscious that he was doing it?

And, they had all trained so hard, for so many years, pushing their bodies to the very limits of human capabilities. That's what being a Science Ninja was all about! They were supposed to be the very best of humanity, defending humanity –living, breathing, one hundred percent natural and organic humanity- from the very forces that would pervert and destroy it, and the Earth too… the very forces that had first created cyborgs! _Didn't this bother them?_

He still felt tainted, he still felt like a fraud, he still felt… unclean.

But as he turned a corner, walking rapidly, he pulled up short; he could hear Ken and Jun.

"We need to talk, Ken." Jun sounded serious.

"You knew about Joe, didn't you, Jun? I could see it in your face –you knew and you never told me. I'm the leader, Jun, and it's your _duty_ to keep me informed of anything that involves the team!'

"I know _exactly_ where my duty lies, Ken," replied Jun with vehemence, "But don't try to evade this! We're going to talk about what happened on the God Phoenix, but later –not here."

They were coming out of his hospital room. Joe backed up several feet, hastily, to seem as though he'd just walked up.

"Hey, Joe, there you are," said Ken, looking relieved to see him. "Are you ready to go home?"

What had happened? Should he try to find out?

No, he realized. He didn't need to know, and he probably wouldn't want to know anyway.

Whatever had happened between them, it was none of his business and it never would be. He would just stay completely out of their way.

0000000000

It all made sense now. Joe was driving his Condor Attacker, and once again in his life he was heading for the Himalayas to battle Galactor alone.

This was his purpose; this was why he'd come out of hiding eight months ago and this was why he was still on the team now.

He was expendable.

He'd left the Cape Long hospital almost three weeks ago. It was almost funny to remember how he'd once believed that everything would change for the worse for him if everyone learned his secret. Now they all knew, and almost nothing had changed. He was still a member of the team, he still suffered self-loathing, and he still avoided everyone as much as he could.

And he was still in love with Jun, as futile and pathetic as that was.

An attempt on his life by a female assassin had provided some distraction, a week ago. She had turned out to be the girlfriend of the real Getz, not the fake Getz that he'd killed at Easton Island, but Galactor had fooled her into believing that Joe had killed her boyfriend and she'd wanted revenge. But while he'd been occupied with that business, the others had found a secret Galactor base. No one was saying too much, but Joe had pieced together enough details from Jinpei and Ryu to learn that Jun had defied Ken's orders, charged into the base on her motorcycle and almost single-handedly destroyed the entire place, escaping in the nick of time.

One part of Joe wanted to cheer "Go, Jun!" but the other part only felt guilty; he should have been there. He was the one who was supposed to take all the crazy risks!

What was going on in Jun's mind these days? She certainly wasn't acting like herself. He'd wanted to go and talk to her but…

That was Ken's place, not his.

This was his place –heading for the Himalayas alone, for what was almost certainly a suicide mission, to spare any of the others from having to do it.

Dr. Nambu's timing had been perfect. Joe had already been at G-Town, as Ken had summoned him to a mandatory team training session. He'd been up on the elevated running track, circling and circling while watching the others below. Ken had been practicing martial arts, Ryu had been lifting weights and Jun and Jinpei had been doing gymnastics. Each of them was exhibiting strength, speed and agility –skills honestly acquired the real way, with fatigue and pain and… sweat. He himself, he must have run his cyborg body twenty miles around that track –fast- and he hadn't even had a bead of sweat to show for it. It had been the loneliest feeling imaginable. There he'd been, with the team, but he'd felt a chasm between them. He had stopped running, but they had all been standing together, staring at him. They were genuine, they were human.

And he was not, and now they all knew that.

When Dr. Nambu had summoned him privately, and explained what he wanted Joe to do, he'd agreed without hesitation. He was going to climb the north face of the mountain called K-3 and destroy the Galactor base that was known to be up there. What with its extreme altitude, weather and magnetic fluctuations, it couldn't be approached in the God Phoenix, and it was believed to harbor a nuclear reactor so it couldn't be attacked with long-range missiles without risk of spreading radioactive material all throughout the atmosphere. Dr. Nambu had intelligence that indicated Galactor was developing a powerful magma beam weapon up there, which could attack any part of the world and which could be completed at any moment. There was no time to lose.

The north face of K-3 was a nearly vertical wall, three thousand meters high, but it was the only way to approach the Galactor base with a chance of going unnoticed; no one in Galactor would ever think that someone could climb up K-3's north face.

Joe sighed, and gripped the steering wheel more tightly. The others just didn't get it! They had followed him in the God Phoenix, blocking the road so he'd stop, and had insisted that they were going to all climb the north face of K-3 along with him. He'd had to hit Ken and Ryu and threaten Jinpei to get them to leave him alone.

Obviously they were just feeling guilty, feeling sorry for the poor cyborg, but if any of them had brains in their heads, they'd soon realize that he and Dr. Nambu had the right idea. Jun had been there, but at least she'd stayed out of his face. Maybe he'd gotten through to her at least, that night she'd discovered he was a cyborg, when he'd yelled at her not to take any more bullets for him.

He was still driving, high in the Himalayan foothills now, and strangely, he was feeling almost sleepy. He was…

There was a bright flash of light, and everything faded.

0000000000

Joe opened his eyes. He was still sitting in the Condor Attacker. How long had he been out?

What the hell? Was that Jun's bike in the road in front of him?

He shook his head to clear his vision, and there was Jun now standing almost in front of his vehicle.

"You're driving fast, Joe, and changing altitude quickly. Up this high, it seems it can affect even you. You were only out for less than a minute, though."

He hadn't gotten through to her at all. She'd been following him.

"Go away, Jun!"

"No! We're a _team_, Joe! You don't get to run off alone!"

"Get out of my way; this is _my_ mission!"

"Yeah, and 'the mission is more important than anything or anyone,' right? But you are not leaving me behind again, Joe –not this time!"

Did she mean… Karakoram? What the hell did she mean? His head was pounding, and Jun was waving a map around…

_He didn't have time for this! He couldn't think about this!_

He floored the gas pedal, sending Jun leaping out of his way and tore up the road, leaving her behind.

But his memories, those he couldn't leave behind, though God knows, he had tried.

He could remember lying on his bed in his old trailer, in the dark. It had been such a long day. It had begun with a visit to an unlicensed medical doctor, and had ended with him being unmasked by the megaziner ray, right in front of Berg Katse.

But Katse had been unmasked too, and had cowered in front of him, hiding his face –or her face, or whatever- in his hands. Only the intervention of Leader X had enabled Katse to escape. He had barely made it back to his trailer that night before the blinding, excruciating head pain that he had come to know only too well had afflicted him. All he'd been able to do was lie there in the dark, trembling, trying his damnedest not to whimper, waiting for it to subside. Each headache was more vicious, more brutal, than the one before. But eventually it too had subsided, and he'd even fallen asleep.

But then he'd woken up; a noise outside had roused him. Galactor? Could they really have found him this easily, this quickly? He'd been reaching for his gun when-

"Joe, it's me. Are you here?"

It had been Jun; he'd felt his body relax.

"Yeah, come on in," he'd said, sitting up in the dark.

"Are you sure you should be here?" she'd said, coming into his trailer and over to his bed. "They saw you today, Joe. You might not be safe; you win races, you've been photographed –they might figure out who you are."

"Maybe, in time," he'd said, pulling her first into his arms and then onto the bed with him, "But they won't know where to find my trailer -certainly not tonight, anyway."

He'd hardly been able to see her in the dark, but her body had been atop his, her long hair caressing his face, and then her sweet, soft lips had found his…

But soon she'd pulled away, and shifted her body to lie alongside his.

"You skipped out on a mission this morning, Joe. Where were you?"

"I told you, I just wasn't feeling very well –but it's passed now."

"Too unwell even to contact me with your bracelet? I know something's wrong, Joe. This is the second mission you've missed because you weren't 'feeling well.' And then there was that mission where you fell down during the fight, and then you couldn't stay in the Tornado Fighter…"

"Just some headaches, Jun. Probably just fatigue or… something. But I'm okay, Jun. I'll be okay." He'd turned on his side and embraced her, pressing her against him as he'd run his hands over her body. "Thanks for saving my ass in that fight, though, with your yoyo."

"I rather like your ass," she'd chuckled softly, demonstrating with her hands.

"But Joe-"

He could tell her; he'd known she'd understand.

"Jun, everything is about to change –_I can feel it! _ We are so close to winning! We unmasked Katse today, and we faced Leader X. I swear, whatever's wrong with me, it's not that bad! I can't leave the game now, not when we're this close, Jun, not now! I promise, later, I'll let Nambu, or any other doctor that wants to, poke and prod me all they want…" He'd been speaking urgently, emphasizing his words with scattered kisses over her face, running his hands through her hair.

And he had been deceiving her, lying about the headaches. They'd been so far, far beyond _bad_, and he'd been desperately frightened of what they could mean. And he'd been hiding the blind spells, the dizziness… But, he hadn't been able to stop –_not then!_ Later –after they'd won- then he'd planned to be honest about the flaws and weakness that he couldn't bear to reveal then. Later…

"But I'm still worried about you," she'd whispered.

"Don't be. We are going to win this war, Jun. The end is in sight, and when it comes, I want to be fighting side by side with you."

"Joe…" she'd whispered, pulling him into a deeper kiss and sliding her hands under his shirt as he'd sought her body with his own.

Their last time together…

She'd been so beautiful, so soft, yet a strong and fearless warrior. She'd been perfect; the one pure and perfect thing in his life. How was it that she could have loved someone like him?

He hadn't _wanted_ to leave her behind, when he'd gone off to Karakoram; he hadn't wanted to! But that had been the way it had had to be, then, and that was the way it was now too.

It was the end of the road; not even the Condor Attacker could go any further now. He needed to drag his thoughts from the past and concentrate on the matter at hand –climbing this damned mountain and destroying the Galactor base atop it.

Soon, he was climbing. It was cold and sharp winds buffeted him from all sides, but he was unaffected. There was nothing here but the wind and the cold, hard rock. There was nothing alive here. He was truly the perfect one for this mission; he fit right in here. He continued to climb.

What was that noise? He looked down.

Jun.

There she was, damn her! She was still following him. Was she insane? What the hell was it going to take to make her stop?

He paused where he was, and called down to her.

"Are you completely stupid, Jun? Go back! Just let me do this alone!"

"The only way," she yelled back, "that you're going to get me off this mountain is to take me off yourself and then you'll have to tie me up or I'll just climb up again! You can't afford the time that that will take!"

Damn her, she was right. Damn her! Dr. Nambu had been insistent that he get up K-3 as fast as possible –as fast as "inhumanly" possible. Dr. Nambu hadn't actually said that out loud, but his extreme urgency had been clear.

He gave up; he just didn't want to even think about this! But he went to Jun, connecting a rope that she had been using to himself, and they began climbing together. She was light, but strong for her size, and very agile. She hardly slowed him down at all. Even the silly map she'd brought with her was actually helpful, enabling them to plot the most efficient ways to go. But it was getting colder, and windier. Nevertheless, she climbed with him for six straight hours, without a word of complaint.

"Joe, I think we should stop here. The snow's coming down thick, but I'm willing to bet that if we wait it out a little, it will pass and we'll be able to see ahead better."

"Okay," he agreed. That made sense, and he wanted to give her a chance to rest, even if he didn't need it. This was the longest amount of time he had spent alone with Jun –alone with _anyone_- since before Karakoram, and he didn't want to admit it to himself, but he… he liked it. They'd barely spoken; they'd been concentrating on their climbing, but during those hours a bond of shared experience was growing between them, permeating his mind, whispering to him that he didn't have to be alone…

"I'm going to detonate this little micro-bomb that I made," she said, "It will create a bigger ledge for us."

He was staring at her; she was so… she was _everything_. If only… The pain of loss washed over him –he could sure as hell feel that, even if he couldn't feel the stab of the cold wind. She was with Ken now, and he was a better man; he was a true man, her first and truest love.

But he would never stop loving her…

She glanced over at him suddenly, and her eyes caught on his. The micro-bomb slipped from her fingers! She tried desperately to catch it again, but it fell…

And then it detonated in the open air, completely unmuffled, with a loud bang that echoed over and over all around them.

They had just given themselves away to Galactor. There was no way that Galactor wouldn't have detected that explosion.

Jun's eyes were filled with horror and anguish but she was still staring straight into his. Time seemed to stop, as a roaring sound began to fill his ears, and it wasn't the wind.

It was an avalanche.

He could see her mouth moving and he could tell what she was saying, even though he couldn't hear her at all.

"I'm sorry, Joe."

And the crashing white obliterated everything.

0000000000

How many minutes had he been slammed and battered by the freezing, unforgiving cascade of mountain snow and ice? He could never have said.

Why was he here, he thought thickly, numbly. But then it came to him –the mission, the magma beam!

Jun!

He came to his senses, and looked around frantically. She couldn't be…

He saw her then, hanging limply in the air from the rope that connected them. _She couldn't be!_

"Jun!"

She moved slightly, opening her eyes, calling out weakly.

"Joe…"

Quickly, he pulled her in.

"I'm okay, Joe," she was saying, "I'll be able to keep going."

He was far from convinced of that; she didn't look good at all. But, at this point, what other choice was there?

He stayed where he was for a couple minutes, giving her more time to rest.

"That avalanche was probably triggered by Galactor. We should change our route, in case they send another one down."

Her response was to start climbing again. They went on for awhile, but it soon became clear to Joe that she was lagging, and really struggling to keep up with him. But they had to be near the summit… just a little further. The wind was even stronger and more brutally cold, and the air was thinner too. He slowed down his pace, but after a few minutes he realized that she had stopped moving altogether.

He looked down, and gasped. "Jun!" he called frantically, but it was no good. She was nearly unconscious, and probably in shock too –the avalanche, and now the extreme cold, had taken too much out of her. God damn it! This was just like when she'd been shot in that cave! Every time she got anywhere near him, she suffered. He was a curse. He should have found a way, somehow, to keep her off this mountain.

He reached a nearby ledge and pulled her up to him. He was holding her loosely, awkwardly. It felt wrong to be touching her at all; this was all his fault!

Her face was so white, and she had to be so very cold. _He had to do something or she'd die of exposure!_

He had to shelter her from the cold. Sitting, he pulled her as close to himself as he possibly could, enfolding her even more tightly in his wings as he settled himself against the tiny ledge he was resting upon. After a moment, she stirred slightly.

"Joe," she murmured quietly, her eyes slightly glazed, "I understand. You can't climb and carry me; you have to leave me here and keep going… complete the mission before it's too late."

"No."

"But the magma beam weapon…"

"No! I won't leave you to die here alone, Jun."

"But they'll destroy whole cities… Dr. Nambu said…"

"I don't care!" And in that moment, he truly didn't care. "Galactor can win this one. You're more important than… _anything_," he whispered but by then she'd closed her eyes and pressed her face against his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around him, entwining her legs with his.

"Mmmm" she sighed.

Time seemed to have no meaning on this desolate mountain face, and the universe had shrunk to only himself and Jun; Jun was in his arms again…

"Jun?" he whispered, but she didn't respond, although her breathing seemed steady. She was asleep. What she'd said when the avalanche struck, her words came back to him:

"I'm sorry, Joe."

She was sorry? She had never lied to him or deceived him, and she had never abandoned him. The first night he'd been back, at G-Town, she had been so angry but she had been completely honest about her feelings.

Unlike him.

He had been such a gutless coward, all these months…. lying, pretending, hiding.

No, he was the one who should be sorry! He was so unworthy of her, but he had never stopped loving her. She deserved the truth; he should have told her the truth…

He bowed his head, resting his helmet against hers, and continued to hold her.

0000000000

Tap, tap, tap…

Joe lifted his head, realizing that he'd nearly been asleep. Even he wasn't invulnerable, then, to the cold and the thin air here. A distant sound, barely audible over the steady roar of the wind –even he could barely hear it, but it was real. But what was it? Was it Galactor, coming to finish them off? Or could it be Ken and the others, searching for him and Jun?

He looked to Jun. She was still pressed closely against him, still sleeping. He hunkered down again, but this time with a small grain of hope.

"Can you hear that?" he whispered to her, "Someone's coming for us."

Don't fall asleep, don't fall asleep, don't…

0000000000

"Congratulations! Aren't you brave –trying to climb the north face!"

What? Joe snapped out of his stupor, and looked up.

_Gel Sadra_. He could see Gel Sadra standing high above and looking down, flanked by goons.

Shit! He'd have to think fast; he couldn't fight and hold Jun. Should he allow himself and Jun to be taken prisoner, escape later? Should he-

There was a shout, one that sounded like Gel Sadra, and then she was gone from his sight. But he thought he could make out the noise of gunfire, despite the wind. Something was definitely going on up there but he could do nothing but stay where he was, and wait.

He would just have to wait, and try to keep alert, stay awake…

0000000000

"Joe! Wake up!"

He opened his eyes, and there was Ken, Ryu and Jinpei.

"How-"

"We used the trail of pitons you'd hammered into the rock face, and were able to climb a lot faster, I guess. Did you hear our banging? We were trying to signal you," said Jinpei.

"We got up to the summit and destroyed the magma beam weapon. Can I assume you're ready to get out of here now?" asked Ken.

Jun lifted her head from his chest, staring into his eyes, but she kept her arms around him.

"Everything's okay," she whispered, her eyes deep, clear and open.

"Jun…"

"Thank you for staying with me, Joe," she said softly, "Your body gave me warmth and… you kept me alive. I could feel your heart, hear it beating."

She nuzzled against his chest again, as one finding solace. The soft, tearful expression he'd just seen in her eyes, all the way to her soul; he knew it. He hadn't seen it in years…

_Love?_

No, no, no… He wasn't –he couldn't…

Not years… the Dera Desert, tears in her eyes, her arms around him…

There'd been tears in his eyes too, then.

_There were tears in his eyes now._

"You're human, Joe. You're the most_ human_ man I know," she whispered, and again she pressed her face against his body.

A tear from his eye splashed onto her glove. The others were hovering close by. This was too much, it was just too much! He had to get a grip on himself! He stood up hastily, bringing Jun to her feet.

And he found himself looking straight into Ken's all-too-knowing eyes. He looked away, instantly.

Oh God, what must this look like to Ken? Finding his girl –the girl Joe had already stolen from him once before- all snuggly with him here, sharing warm, teary looks with him…

He put Jun into Ken's arms, and turned away quickly, looking out into the cold, blowing snow.

0000000000

Now that the threat of the Galactor base had been eliminated, Dr. Nambu was able to send in an unarmed surveillance plane capable of high altitude flight that was able to airlift Jun off the summit of K-3. Due to weight restrictions, however, only Jinpei accompanied her. Still, it wasn't nearly so difficult for the rest of them to descend the southern side of K-3, where conditions were less harsh. But once down, Ryu contacted the God Phoenix's robotic autopilot to retrieve their vehicles from the foot of the north face and to come pick them up.

On the bridge of the God Phoenix, Ryu didn't even pretend to stay awake; he told the autopilot to fly them back to G-Town and promptly began dozing in his chair. Even Ken didn't object to this, although as far as Joe could tell, he at least was awake. Joe could tell that even his own body was in need of some rest, but his thoughts were in turmoil and he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. As the God Phoenix continued to fly through the dark sky, he found himself getting up and walking off the bridge. Somehow he always felt calmer when he was moving than he did remaining still.

He wandered aimlessly, but somehow found himself in the bay that held Jun's Auto Swan motorcycle.

Jun…

A voice intruded on his brooding.

"Idiot, don't you notice the way she looks at you?"

Wasn't that something he'd said once to Ken, a million years ago? Yet this time it was Ken saying it. Joe turned around, and there he was. He'd since taken his helmet off, giving Joe a good view of his face –jaw tight, nostrils slightly flared, eyes… sad.

"Because I'm telling you, Jun doesn't look at me that way."

"What are you talking about, Ken? I know that you and Jun are back together again –it's been, what, a couple months now?"

Ken looked surprised by this admission.

"You've always been more observant than anyone gives you credit for," he murmured, more to himself than to Joe, "Yet you don't see now…"

"Come on, Ken. I know she seemed a bit… clingy up there on K-3, but she was suffering from exposure, and she was probably light-headed. You don't have to worry that I-"

"There's something you don't know, though," said Ken, in a harder voice. "Remember when we were all on the God Phoenix, and that message came through that Dr. Nambu was dead? You took off back to the hospital immediately, without any clearance from me-"

"Ken, I didn't think, I just _had_ to go and-"

"Well you should know that Jun wanted to go too. But she actually asked permission, and I said no. Our orders were perfectly clear –find the Galactor base. She was pleading with me. There I was, stuck trying to do the correct thing –find and destroy the Galactor base- even though someone dear to me had just died and all Jun wanted to do was go with you, the guy who gets to follow his emotions. She didn't want to stay with me, the guy trying to follow his duty!" There was color in Ken's cheeks, and his eyes glinted.

"I'm sorry, Ken. I know that you're the one who always has to make the hard calls, and I know that isn't easy –_I couldn't do it_- and-"

But Ken was now resting his bowed head on one raised hand.

"I… I lost it, Joe. I hit her," Ken whispered, "Hard enough to send her flying back into the console behind her."

_Oh no_, thought Joe, in dismay. Ken so rarely snapped, but when he did…

But he could try to help Ken get past this. He took his own helmet off.

"Look, Ken, maybe it wasn't your best moment ever, but none of us, including Jun, would deny that it's your prerogative as leader."

"But that wasn't it!" Ken's head flew up. "I could pretend that I was disciplining a subordinate officer, but that wasn't it at all -I lost control of myself and I hit Jun, not G3. _I knew it… and she knew it too_."

Now Joe didn't know what to say. He could only stare silently at Ken's tormented eyes.

"I'm Gatchaman, and so everyone wants to think that I'm this perfect, shining white hero, but deep down…" Ken's voice dropped to a whisper, and he closed his eyes.

"Months ago, at Easton Island and New Jork and the Dera Desert -when we all thought you were dead- she wanted so desperately to believe you might be alive. Every time, she was the first one to call out your name and go running after you. That first night you came back, when I said I'd ended it with Jun because I couldn't handle being her leader in a war situation, that was true but there was more…"

Ken looked straight at Joe now.

"More that I wouldn't admit then, to her or to you. Deep down, _somewhere_, I was so angry. I was angry at Jun both for turning to you, all those years ago when everyone thought I was dead, and for staying with you when I came back. For a long time there, I was able to ignore it, deny it, until…"

Until I came back from the dead, thought Joe. _Oh shit…_

His face must have told Ken what he was thinking.

"Look, Joe, I know damned well how petty and unfair that is!" said Ken, gesturing emphatically. "Ninety-nine percent of the time, I can suppress it, but _it's always there_, some small part of me that's angry, selfish, mean-"

"Stop it, Ken. You don't have to do this. Look, _no one_ is perfect!"

"No, Joe, I need to come clean about everything. How is it that you don't see this? Jun wants to be with you-"

"_Why are you saying that, Ken?_ You didn't go and break up with her _again_, did you?"

He was staring, wide-eyed at Ken, who now just looked… tired.

"It was the other way around, actually."

Joe found himself suddenly remembering what he'd heard Jun say to Ken at the Cape Long hospital, "We need to talk…" His mind was spinning, trying to make sense of all this…

"She always wants you, Joe. She took a bullet for you! She followed you all the way up K-3! She loves you!"

"She did _not_ tell you _that,_" gasped Joe softly.

"No… she didn't say it, but it's obvious."

"You're wrong, Ken," Joe whispered, "You have to be…"

"She loved you before," said Ken, strain creeping into his voice. "What do you think's changed?"

Laughter, bitter and almost manic, escaped from Joe's throat.

"_Isn't that fucking obvious!"_

"Oh right. You're a cyborg. Guess what, Joe? She doesn't care!"

"You don't know that!"

"Well, I know that I don't care if you're a cyborg! Hell…" Ken laughed, with irony. "It seems like it's actually got some advantages. The fact is, no one cares that you're a cyborg –no one except you! You love to give me advice, so here's my chance to give you some: _Get over it, you fucking idiot!"_

"Damned easy for you to say!" snapped Joe angrily. "_You don't know how it feels! _ You don't know what it was like, at Rafael's lab-"

"I know this much, Joe. You need to figure out what it's going to take for you to be 'comfortable in your own… skin'. You can't keep going on the way you have been, avoiding Jun, avoiding everyone, acting like your life doesn't matter."

Joe couldn't answer him, but in his mind he could see Jun's beautiful green eyes, the way she'd been looking at him while he was holding her in his arms on K-3, tears in her eyes…

Like a single drop of water falling on a still lake, so tiny yet creating ripples, Joe could feel hope –missing for so long- stir faintly within him. But fear was there too; could he really bring himself to tell her… the truth, everything, to take that terrifying risk?

And what about Ken?

"If… if by some crazy chance you're actually right about this, then… what about you? When I said I'd stand aside for you, the first night I was back, I meant that! Are you sure you-"

"I love her, Joe," said Ken, with quiet conviction, "I always have, and I always will. She says she loves me. But she's right, the problems that she and I were having –my problems, really- before you came back, they were still there later and they probably always will be. I'm not going to pretend that I _like_ this –_because I don't_!" Ken's voice wavered. "But you two… you just do better together. Especially when there's a war going on, and for us, there are always going to be wars. Maybe we're doomed to always be some weird triangle, I don't know…"

"What you're saying, Ken –have you actually _thought_ about this?"

Ken didn't answer him right away; he just gazed at Joe pensively.

"I couldn't ask for a better second-in-command than you, Joe. But this time it's my turn to stand aside for you. You're the better man, the better man for Jun. And I know that you'll always protect her; just like today, you'll always keep her safe, no matter what happens to the world."

A world of sadness in Ken's eyes; Joe could feel guilt washing over him.

"Me," Ken shrugged, as one resigned to his fate, "I get to be Gatchaman."

0000000000


	7. Chapter 7

By the time they arrived back at G-Town in the God Phoenix, it was late at night. However, Dr. Nambu met with them in the docking bay, just long enough to inform them that Jun was fine and that he had released her from the medical ward on the condition that she rest quietly in her quarters.

Now Joe was lying on his cot in his quarters, trying to do the same thing, but it wasn't working. It had been a long, hard day but there were just too many questions, doubts and fears racing through his mind as he was still trying to understand everything that had happened.

There was one undeniable fact, however, that he couldn't avoid: he was going to have to talk to Jun, sooner or later, and he was…

He was scared; there was no better word for it than that.

He could still, in his mind, hear Ken saying "she loves you," and he could still see the beautiful glow in Jun's eyes that, in that moment, had made a place that was hell on earth seem like a paradise, as he'd held her in his arms and she'd whispered to him, "you're the most human man I know…"

But some part of him was still an insecure adolescent, so quick to shield himself with a brusque facade or with anger so that no one would realize what a soft, vulnerable mess of emotions he really was –the same adolescent who had watched Jun and nearly everyone else gaze with admiration at Ken instead of him, but who had always felt he couldn't blame them.

He could still remember those first days in Dr. Rafael's lab, lying in a hospital bed, his whole body crisscrossed in long incisions, all neatly closed with tiny precise stitches. He'd been unable to move his arms and legs, beyond spasmodic twitches, and he'd been unable to speak without slurring his words. All his hair had been shaved off. He'd been unable to feed himself or bathe himself, and he'd had to be given bedpans because he was unable to use a toilet. And Dr. Rafael had been standing there claiming that he would mask all the incisions with additional grafts, and that Joe's speech and motor skills would gradually return to normal as the "cybernetic and organic neural pathways synchronized" or some-such jargon. Then he'd disclosed that three months had gone by since Karakoram, three months that had been completely lost to Joe in a haze of pain-killing drugs and anesthetics.

Finally he'd informed the helpless lump of cobbled together parts that had once been Condor Joe of the Science Ninja Team that he was in no way a prisoner, and that if there was anyone that he wished to contact, he would see to it personally.

Jun… All Joe had been able to think about in that moment had been Jun.

"N-n-obody. Cont-t-act nob-b-ody," he'd managed to say, as tears trickled out the corners of his eyes –tears he hadn't been able to wipe away because he hadn't been able to move his goddamned arm. He'd been utterly pathetic –no, more than that- he'd been _loathsome_ and pathetic. He'd lied to Jun and everyone else about his illness and had run off to Karakoram alone to die fighting, with his dignity and manhood intact, so determined to _not_ be reduced to a lump in a hospital bed…

Joe sat up on his cot, pulling his knees to his chest. He was shaking and he felt queasy. More than two and a half years later, no matter how he looked or how he functioned now, some part of him still felt like that weeping creature in that hospital bed.

Would he ever be able to just "get over it?"

And would Jun understand, and forgive him for all the pain he'd caused her?

He was going to have to muster up his courage and find out. How strange it was, he thought, that he, who had never worried about storming a Galactor base full of armed goons, was truly frightened at the prospect of seeing Jun.

As he thought about it, though, one thing became clear. He had to go to her. Always, she had been the one who had come to him, the one who had taken the chance. That was how it had begun, years ago, at the Crescent Base when she had gone to his quarters late at night, and she had kissed him...

This time, he would go to her. Hell, he would do it now, before his nerves failed him completely. It was one in the morning and she might not even answer her door if he knocked, but if he went now at least he might learn, for better or for worse, how things really stood between them. As it was, he wasn't going to be able to sleep until he knew… something.

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That little burst of courage took him all the way to her door… but then fled him.

He closed his eyes and tried to recall his memory of the way she'd looked at him today on that ledge at K-3, what she'd said…

But what if he'd read her all wrong? What if he'd just fallen prey to wishful thinking?

But he could also remember what he'd told himself on that ledge, as he'd held her while she slept.

She deserved the truth. He was going to have to try to tell it to her.

He knocked on her door.

No response. He counted to ten, silently.

"Jun? It's me, Joe."

The door opened partially and there she was, blinking as her eyes adjusted from darkness to the light of the corridor. She was wearing loose drawstring pants and a camisole, her hair was mussed –he'd obviously just woken her up. And after the exhausting day she'd had… _What_ had he been thinking?

"I'm sorry, Jun. You were sleeping, I'll go." He was turning away, but she opened the door completely.

"No, don't go, Joe. I wasn't really sleeping now, just resting. You can come in."

She went back into her room, and turned on a lamp on her nightstand. There was nothing to do now but follow her in and shut the door behind him… and to remember to breathe.

She sat down on her cot. There was room for him to sit too, but he wanted to stay on his feet. The look on her face… She wasn't smiling but she didn't look sad; she didn't look worried but she didn't look relaxed either –it was the look of someone in suspension, waiting.

Words, he needed to find words. He turned from her slightly and closed his eyes; it was easier that way.

"Jun… right before the avalanche hit us today, you said you were sorry, but you shouldn't have."

"Joe, I dropped the micro-bomb."

"That's not what I mean. You… you shouldn't have to apologize to me for anything; I'm the one who owes you… _so many apologies_."

"Joe, you don't-"

"Just… just let me talk, okay?" He glanced at her quickly.

"Okay." She sat back on her cot, till she was resting her back against the wall. He walked over to her undersea window, and rested his hands on the sill. There was a faint reflection of his face in the glass, so he closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry I lied to you about how sick I was… before. I'm sorry I left you behind to go to Karakoram without telling you anything. I'm sorry I didn't let you know I was alive, after…"

"Then tell me why you did it, Joe."

He exhaled slowly; how to explain… This was going to take a while, he thought.

No, the truth, he realized, was very simple but cut straight to the core of who he was. But he would say it, he could say it.

"I was afraid."

Jun didn't say anything. He knew he ought to face her, but…

"I was afraid of being taken off the team, afraid of being… diminished, in your eyes –in everyone's eyes- if I wasn't out there fighting as the Condor, and when I found out I had only about ten days left to live I was afraid of losing my one chance to take Galactor down with me… and I didn't want you to see me die slowly in some hospital –I was afraid of that too. If I was going to die, I wanted it to _mean_ something, but it was never 'the mission is more important than anything or anyone'; when I told you that, the night I came back, I was lying again."

"Why?" Jun's voice was a whisper.

"I thought that if I hurt you, made you think I hadn't… cared that much about you, that you'd stay away from me, avoid me."

"Why did you want me to avoid you?"

"You know why."

"I want to hear you say it, Joe."

She wasn't going to make this easy for him.

"I didn't want you to know I was a cyborg. It was easier for me to let you think I stayed away two years because I was a 'heartless bastard' –I was afraid to tell you the truth."

"This is the crux of it all, isn't it? Why couldn't you tell me that you were a cyborg, Joe?"

He couldn't speak for a moment. He had to get his voice under control.

"Because they're usually evil and controlled by Galactor? That can't be it, Joe; your parents belonged to Galactor and you… reconciled yourself to that."

"Jun… I didn't become a cyborg in one day. The first three months, I wasn't even conscious, it's a process and… what it all entails, it-"

He was trembling.

"Joe?" She was rising from her bed and coming towards him.

"I can't talk about it, Jun! You just need to know that it was… _bad! _And it made me feel…"

He opened his eyes; Jun was beside him now, reaching to touch his face-

His own hand flew up with lightning speed –an unconscious response- blocking her arm before she could. She froze.

They were staring at each other, neither moving. He released her arm and turned away, and she stepped back from him.

"I hate this body, Jun. I spend every minute of every day trapped in _this!_" he gestured at himself, "It's not me! So much of me is _gone_, and what's there instead… maybe it doesn't _look_ like crutches or a wheelchair, but it makes me feel… _like I'm not a man_."

He had brought his hands up to shield his face as he spoke, but he'd done it. He'd told Jun the truth, and now he was going to have to turn and face her, and endure what he was certain he would see in her eyes, now and every day that followed.

_Pity._

And he looked at her face, her beautiful face, and into her eyes, so clear and deep all the way to her soul…

And what he saw was not pity.

"Take off your clothes, Joe."

"_What?"_

"Your clothes, Joe. Take them off."

She was utterly serious, and now her lips were pressed together and her jaw was taut.

"What are you trying to-"

"I want to see you, _really see you_."

She wasn't going to forgive him; she wanted to torment him. Couldn't she _understand?_

_But what the hell did it matter now? Nothing could make any difference to him now._

He pulled his t-shirt off over his head, and bent down to take his shoes and socks off. He straightened to unbuckle his belt. He could tell Jun was looking at him, but he kept his eyes cast down. He unzipped the fly of his jeans and slid them down his legs.

"And your shorts too."

_So be it._ Off came his shorts; everything was in a crumpled pile on her floor.

But now he could only just stand there; first his apologies, and now this… He had never felt so vulnerable, so exposed in the truest sense of the word. The only things he could hide were his eyes, behind their lids.

The room was totally silent. What was she doing?

That was when he felt it, a whisper of contact, then the touch of fingers sliding up his forearm, along his bicep to his shoulder, lingering in the groove where shoulder met collar bone…

She was _touching_ him, touching the "skin" that didn't burn or freeze, the "muscles" that didn't tire, and the "bones" that didn't break. And he could feel _her_; she was so close to him, he could feel the warmth from her body, feel her warm breath on his shoulder. Her hand slid softly over his chest, along his ribs and stomach, with her fingers exploring each rib, each muscle. Her other hand was stroking its way up his back, entwining itself in his hair briefly before fingers softly drifted over his cheek, to touch his lips…

He'd been holding his breath, but now it escaped him in a quivering rush. No one had touched him, no one had touched him like this since…

Since that final night with Jun, in his trailer, so long ago now.

And it felt the same as it always had… The tender sensation, the solace of her touch, feeding his yearning for…

Yearning for Jun, for union with her body and her soul, for _love_ –he could remember how that had always made him feel.

How could this be? It couldn't be true.

"You're beautiful, Joe," she whispered, and he could feel her words, the breath that conveyed them, waft over his skin, "You are so beautiful."

No, he was shaking his head slowly.

"Not me," he said, so softly she might not hear.

"But this is you, Joe. I'm touching the man who saved me today, the man who bought me a red dress, the man I fell in love with at the Crescent Base, and you are as beautiful and as real to me now as you were then."

She had enfolded him in arms now, and he could feel the length of her body against his arm and hip. His own arms were still at his sides, and his eyes were still closed. Jun slid herself around to face him, caressing him with the silky fabric of her clothes, the warmth of her body and the touch of her hands. She pressed herself fully against him with sinuous motion, and he felt his own visceral reaction in the rush of blood, the stiffening hunger that was the response of a man to a woman's body, as he embraced her in his own arms. His body was answering hers in the most natural, primal and human way; this was real. He could feel tears in his eyes.

"Look at me, Joe," she whispered, her face so near to his now. He opened his eyes to hers then, and was bathed in their radiance. He saw desire in their shining depths, and he saw love.

"Do you still love me, Joe?"

"Yes."

He wanted to say more; he would have said more, but Jun was kissing him, cradling his face in her hands.

Her soft lips sliding over his… it had been so long since he had tasted her delicious mouth, felt her tongue seek his. He didn't have to use words at all; he could show her how much he still loved her.

Still kissing, he slid his hands beneath her camisole, stroking her back and encircling her waist, savoring the feel of her suppleness and her strength. She moved her own hands from his face to slide her camisole up her body and off, breaking their kiss but revealing her breasts to his now-burning gaze; the flawless delicacy of their white skin and rose nipples, and the way their rounded shape now yielded softly to the press of his fingers as he caressed them, feeling his own body yearn yet more urgently for hers.

With one hand, he found and untied the string that held the last of her clothing in place, and her pants slid down her legs to pool at her feet. She was kissing him again now, more hungrily, and he slid his hands around her body, over the smooth firm cheeks of her bottom, pushing her against him, against his own engorged hardness, so eager for that most intimate union. She pulled her body back from his, but only so she could wrap her fingers around his turgid desire, stroking, making him gasp.

"Joe," she whispered, and released him from her tantalizing grip. They moved as one towards her cot, and then were lying side by side, embracing, legs entwined, their lips dancing together as their fingers ran through each other's hair and over each other's skin.

But he wanted more, and he wanted to give her more. He had gone without her for so, so long and now he wanted to savor _everything_. He slid down to take one of her tender nipples in his mouth, to suckle gently while his hand moved between the silky skin of her thighs, seeking… So soft, so wet; he gently probed her delicate folds and found that small apex of her womanly desire, and his touch drew moans from her throat as her hands clutched his shoulders.

But he wanted more, and to give her still more. He moved down her body further, replacing the touch of his fingers with the flicker of his tongue and the gentle suction of his lips, relishing the taste and scent of her arousal as cries of passion growing in intensity poured from her mouth and she writhed in yearning, until he felt her body spasm and then release shuddering waves that left her gasping in pleasure.

"_Joe…"_

She was pulling him up towards her now, kissing him slowly and deeply as she guided him onto his back. He reached for her breasts as she straddled his hips with her legs, rubbing her wetness against him, sending waves of delirious lust through his body.

"_Jun…"_

He cupped her face with his hands, ending their kiss, but now he could look into her eyes. Her eyes, her whole face, seemed suffused with a beauty that was almost divine in its glow, as she found her ecstasy yet again.

"You're so… you are too good, too good for me, Jun," he whispered.

"No, I'm not," she replied softly, "But I want you, Joe, I love you."

Lithely she moved down his body, before he could respond, sliding her mouth over his now achingly aroused member, taking him deep into her throat. He struggled for control, to prolong the moment, as he watched with bliss-glazed eyes as her lips slid up and down him, building a desperate frenzy within him. Ragged, hungry cries were emanating from his own throat…

But there was another union he craved more than this. He raised himself up, grasping Jun's shoulders, urging her now onto her back. As he moved his body over hers, she encircled him with her legs and guided him into her core. He thrust deeply inside her, gasping at the rush of pleasure that brought him. Again, and again and again… Soft cries of bliss were coming from Jun's mouth. He looked down at her face, joining his gaze to hers, then crushing his lips against hers, breathing her breath, taking and giving as he moved his body with hers, again and again…

He was alive, he was a man, and he was with Jun. There was nothing in the world more than this.

She was trembling, spasming, moaning in delight even as her mouth was joined to his, and then he felt his own body surrender at last to that ultimate cascade of ecstasy and release, as if he were dissolving and flowing into Jun, becoming one with her, never to be separated again.

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They lay entwined together on her small cot for a long time without speaking, just holding each other and feeling each other's hearts beat. Eventually, Jun began to speak softly.

"I never wanted to believe you didn't love me, Joe. But I had nothing to go on…"

"I know; I don't blame you."

"But when you let me climb K-3 with you, and when you stayed with me when I was freezing, when you were holding me… that was when I started to believe again."

"And me too, but I thought that you and Ken were back together and…"

Jun sighed then, and opened her eyes to look at him.

"I should tell you that Ken and I were back together for a while."

"I know. Ken told me, on the flight back to G-Town today."

Now Jun was looking at him curiously.

"He also told me that you still loved me, and that I was being an idiot."

Jun closed her eyes again, and sadness washed over her face. Joe reached for her hand.

"You love him too, Jun. I know that."

"It's true," she whispered, "But I want to be with you. I want to be with the man who is guided by his heart, who can let himself love me even if the world is falling apart."

"Ken has it rough, you know; it isn't easy being Gatchaman."

"I know, I never said it was fair, how I feel, but it is true."

Joe didn't say any more; he just continued to hold her close, savoring what he had denied himself for far too long. He had been away far too long, but now he had finally come home.

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Faint morning sun, tinted blue by the sea, was coming through the window when Joe opened his eyes. For a brief moment, the world was exactly what it had been the day before, but then he remembered…

_Jun._

Jun was using his chest as a pillow, her dark hair spread over her face.

He slid her hair aside carefully to see her face.

"Good morning," he whispered.

Her eyes opened and she was startled for a brief second, but then she smiled her most radiant smile.

"Good morning to you too."

Minutes later, he was sitting up, fishing his clothes off the floor, as Jun trailed her fingers up and down his thigh, thoughtfully.

"Joe…" she said nervously, "I know you said you don't want to talk about it, but is there anything I should know… anything that might be… different now? I don't want to do anything wrong…"

He stared at her, feeling a spasm of unease. But then he remembered the passion they had shared during the night, her uninhibited enjoyment of his cyborg body.

_Relax, you idiot_, he told himself sternly.

"Did I mention that I can make my penis vibrate?"

"_Really?"_ Her eyes had never looked more large.

"No! Not really!"

"You jerk!" And she punched him in the arm.

So he hit her with the pillow, and in the laughter and tussle that ensued, all thoughts of getting up and getting dressed were forgotten as they shared their bodies and their love yet again.

He had never imagined that it could be, but it had become possible. He could be comfortable in his own skin again, even as a cyborg.

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End file.
